It hurts so much today

I am just venting really. I can't get him off my mind at all today. It's so hard and I keep randomly getting tears in my eyes and in those split moments, I just wish I was dead because I feel so empty inside. It's not painful, it's despair and emptiness. I do so well and then this happens and I just need it to stop. I have initiated no contact because we were going around in circles and that was also hurting me. I know it'll get better in time but time is so long when your days just drag on like this and feel so empty and drained.