Could use some advice. Enthusiastic consent kinda rare.

Not theirs, mine.

A few times, I tripped into good sex with imaginative, playful people. Unfortunately for me, I get into obvious weight mismatches more often than not (I'm 135, she's usually above 180). I'm bitter from time to time about being unable to attract women in my size range. In the twelve years I've been sexually active, I've only twice managed to feel in the "right" role.

I don't think I'm ugly, and I can support myself. I cycle regularly, take classes to get into a better-paying career field, can carry a tune with my voice or two different instruments, and have the patience/work ethic to turn barren land into fertile soil. I can't be that unattractive, on the whole. But my 6+-month dry spells and ability to only attract women I don't really want as partners (but take anyway due to lack of any better options) suggest otherwise.

I've started making inroads into the more openly-sexual communities, like FetLife, but it turns out that I'm only opening myself up to more women who don't fit my preference, but might end up fucking anyway, because who else is there?

Gyms and yoga sessions are pretty much out, as I'd probably just be That Creep. Online dating is unproductive, and I can't go to church without feeling like a total fake. Strip clubs work up the enthusiasm out of both of us I'm generally after, but the price tag is far too high to do that more than once a month. My social circles are 85+% male, so I don't want to push the few women away out of my selfish desire to hope any of them could be aroused, dripping, and ready for me.

OKCupid? Been there for years. Still going nowhere.

Tl;DR - Moved to the city, thought the women there would be hotter and easier to make good sexytimes with. I was wrong. Help me be less wrong.