First Play Party!

Last night, my partner and I went to our first play party together. It was my first ever, and his second or third. In short, it was great. Awesome. Incredible. And so, so different than I thought it would be. Below are some musing and ramblings.

I didn't have high expectations, persay, but I definitely had... wrought expectations. Well-mulled expectations. I've always been nervous (and excited and stoked, but also nervous) about going to a play party, playing in public, hell, even being in a environment, or going to a place, that tells the other people there "yes, I like these things too." My imagination is a pretty visual tool, and one that's often out of my control (mostly, that's a good thing). I spent many, many hours over the past months constructing various possibilities of what a party could look like, what it would feel like when I was there, etc. I imagined low ceilings and dark rooms and distinct space between people playing and people watching. I imagined thumping music and slaps and moans echoing off stone walls. I imagined black and red draped curtains over everything, awkward conversations around the punch bowl and pretzels. I imagined conference rooms and hotel rooms converted into dungeons, I imagined the awkward and the graceful. I braced for feeling intimidated, over my head, and out of my league.

And as it happens, many of these things held true. The sounds were there, the playing was there. Much of the visual atmosphere I'd imagined was there. But the feelings that I had braced for, and the emotional structures I'd built to manage them, were pretty much absent. I felt accepted. I felt safe. I felt, in a way, like I belonged. And although I'm not sure why I hadn't expected this, I felt so fucking happy, almost giddy, to be there. There was still a bit of sensory overload, to be sure (it was a huge play space, 20,000 square feet, I think? Because, hey, if you're gonna go, go big (?)), but I never felt out of place, or like I wanted to leave (which I knew I could have, at any time, with the full support of my partner). I felt very much the opposite; by the end of the night, I didn't want to go home, didn't want to leave the community, the people I'd met, the glorious fucking place where I could just be this part of myself that was so innappropriate in the rest of my life. It was incredible.

I also hadn't anticipated the anonymity that would come with a play space that big, which I think was part of the reason it was more comfortable (a little counterintuitive, bigger space=less intimidating, but that's how it went, for me anyway). My partner and I had discussed playing^1, and I was at a maybe sort-of place with it. But once I got there, I was just so excited, and felt so... at home, that I decided I was totally up for it. So we tried out a new flogger (which oh my god I am in love in love in love with), along with our old crop and one of my favorite toys ever, his teeth. We got to use some awesome furniture (a cross, a big padded table, etc.). I was more comfortable with nudity than I thought would be, and I was more comfortable with more pain than I thought I would be (At home, I'm generally okay with going as deep as I can, with pain, but I wasn't sure about it public. As it turns out, we went pretty far, and I've got some really beautiful patterns to show for it). We didn't play a super long time or anything, but it was a really, really great experience.

Aftercare was a little tricky. I didn't (and don't) feel like I didn't get enough, and I don't think my partner does either, but it was hard to... transition down from the playing headspace, to the headspace where I take comfort in crying against his chest, when we were still in a huge play space. And yes, there were couches and things off to the side, and chairs and tables outside the play space (where we eventually went), but the physical distance between where we playing to the quieter, softer places also meant time passing between, which was... a little hard. Because sometimes, when I need to fall apart, I need to fall apart right now.

(1) We discussed a lot of things before we went, which was super important for me. I know it sort of... goes without saying that this is important, and although I hesitate to be prescriptive, about anything, I'd agree that discussions of boundaries, as best you can, before something like this is pretty important in general, and was part of the reason I think things went so well for us.

Anyway. That was a long bit of text. I haven't been a part of this community too long, but I thought I would share anyway. So, care to share your first play party stories? Or first public play stories otherwise? I know that this subreddit is often a lot about questions and answers, but I love communities that also just... share their stories. Anyway. Thanks for reading!

TL;DR: First play party expectations, experiences, and observations. It was rad-tastic. Care to share your own?