Motivationless, little emotion and no empathy; Thinking it might be better to be dead.

Hi everyone. I'm not entirely sure why I'm making this post, to be honest. I don't really feel like I'm looking for a solution to my problem; I guess I need to put my thoughts out there, just to have it all out of my head for once. Sorry if it's long. Here we go, from the beginning:

For as long as I can remember, I've had problems with empathizing with other people. Coupled with this was a lack strong emotion (for example, I didn't even feel a pang of sadness when my grandpa died earlier last month). Early on in my life, I remember having trouble fitting in, but at this point (of 16 years of age), I can blend in quite easily and make myself appear to be normal. Still don't know what to do if someone get hurt, or has a problem, though.

Something changed, however, in recent years. I’ve been losing motivation. I've just been finding it harder and harder to find a purpose for study, for keeping up the semblance of normality, for living. This had let me to, in the last year or two, pretend to be sick just so I can lie in bed all day, and research how to kill myself. I missed about a month of school in sick days last year, made easy by the fact that I go to a boarding school out of state, and the person whom I stay with almost never checks if I'm actually sick.

When I actually do attend school, I just browse the internet, researching my Lack of Empathy and Blunted Affect while pretending to get stuff done (fun fact, writing this during a all-spring-break study group, where we pay to stay at the school for more study.). From this, I’ve noticed that the best description of me would be Schizoid, but as my parents are both Scientologists, I doubt I will be getting a legitimate diagnosis any time soon.

Anyways, that’s my story. If you have something supportive to say, feel free to put it in the comments. Probably won’t do much, though.