New here. Anxiety sufferer for years and years and it's finally starting to destroy me.

So I'm on my own, 28 years going on 29, in grad school, thousands and thousands of miles away from my family. Nuclear family split up, parents both loving and supportive but far away and married to new people. I keep going through cycles where I'm on top of things, but then I nosedive right back down. I haven't checked my mail in weeks, I am afraid to listen to my voice messages, and I'm in a constant state of panic over things that in reality I know aren't a big deal. I tried to get help through the school, but they just told me they'd send me a list of therapists and never did. I haven't had the time since to follow up - too much work to do at school.

My one coping mechanism is food. In the past year, I've gained 15 lbs, and while I'm not quite in the realm of "fat" yet, weight has been a lifelong struggle for me. A few years ago I finally got active and was down to 165, now I'm back up to 180 and climbing and I sometimes feel like food is my only friend. I don't have any other vices (pot makes my anxiety worse and I can't afford it or alcohol, which isn't worth the hangovers).

My girlfriend situation is worse. She's got her own problems, and I knew I had to break it off because we were both miserable but she's a good kid at heart and she cried her eyes out and felt very bad, and now I feel worse because of it. I just want to call her and tell her everything's okay, but it's not, because she slept with her ex boyfriend and has had the occasion to turn physically abusive (punching, etc) when she gets mad (bipolar?).

I'm now petrified she'll find this and tell everyone at school...I realize this is all kind of one big run on sentence but when you're too afraid to pay your bills and leave your darkened apartment for NO GOOD REASON it kind of gets to you.

All of this was exacerbated by a very, very bad breakup a year ago with someone I really really liked. Maybe the only person (I've dated a lot of girls) I've ever felt that strongly about. I'm still working through it.

Help? What in hell do I do? Time is short because in one year I have to literally be lucratively employed or be destroyed by student debt (private and govt) and this anxiety is hurting my ability to do work, get a good reputation, and then get a job in my industry.

TL;DR - I'm having anxiety issues. I'm glad this isn't 4chan.