My mom has cancer. I'm not sure if I'm dealing very well or in denial.

Hello Reddit. I'm a teenager halfway through my high school years. For as long as I can remember my mom has been sick. Just under a year after I was born she was diagnosed with Myasthenia Gravis (MG), a neuromuscular disorder. She's been on disability since (she was an RN). Because my mom is a nurse she always educated us about her disease. From an early age my siblings and I understood her symptoms and learned how to live as normal life as possible. Growing up I never knew any differently. I was independent and always stayed out of trouble. I loved to help my mom out and play her "little nurse". Because of this I'm very nurturing towards people and knowledgable beyond my years in medicine. When I was in my preteen years my mother was diagnosed with Lymphoma. I knew cancer was a dangerous but my mom never made a big deal of it at the time. There was no family talk about it. I remember it just being mentioned a bit in conversation years later. What I didn't know was at the time the doctors were just going to "watch it". Eventually I found out that my mom didn't need treatments at that point. The doctors told her that she didn't have to make regular visits anymore because it wasn't spreading. At this time I didn't ask any further questions about it. Now that I look back it seems rather out of character for my now curious self. As the years passed it was only mentioned occasionally and strangely casually in conversations amongst my mother and family. As I grew older I was well aware of how sick my mom was but it somehow seemed normal and a bit over looked at times. Don't get me wrong, my mom and I are EXTREMELY close but we always focused on the positive. As of summer 2011 my mom was having severe and constant pain in her groin area. We had enough of her being too stubborn to go to the hospital and called an ambulance for her. I went with her to the hospital because I'm always with her and knew her symptoms, medical history and medication she was currently on. She was checked into the hospital for a week. While she was there she underwent a CAT scan, blood work and a urine sample. Durning that week her lower stomach swelled so much it looked like she was 6 months pregnant. Long story short she underwent a biopsy where they discovered a tumor the size of a softball. Her lymphoma had spread and became even more severe. At that point she was diagnosed with Non-Hodgkin's lymphoma 3A. For those of you who don't know, this means that at that point you can't kill the cancer. Only shrink the tumors and treat the symptoms. In september she began Chemotherapy every 3 weeks. She has finished her chemo as of March 9th. Her tumors have reduced greatly in size and it seems to have worked. She'll begin maintenance once every 3 months for 3 years. She was very positive about everything and didn't let it get her down. Through all I've been through with her and her health I have not cried once. I don't confide in many people about it. I don't get very emotional about it. I hasn't effect my grades or social relationships. I've noticed when I talk about it I usually remove myself and my feelings from the situation. I like to believe that I'm being very positive and strong about it. Yet somehow I feel like I have an emotional block towards the situation. I worry that one day I'll face reality and get hit hard by it. I'm not sure if my mom's past medical problems have somehow prepared me to not be so effected by it or i'm just in denial about it. Sorry this was so long. I just felt like you needed to understand my past with my mothers health and the severity of things. So what do you think Reddit?