I can never match the energy of people around me [rant about myself]

I'm laying on the floor feeling like shit because I keep going over in my head terrible my social skills are. No matter how many books or articles I read about socializing, I can't implement them in real life. Therapy and pharmacy drugs aren't working. I have no confidence or self esteem and I don't know why. I have parents who love me, but I never take their compliments to heart. I regret all the time I have spent my youth playing video games instead of socializing or learning music. Whenever I see people kiss, hold hands, or talk about sex, my insides become agitated and I begin hating myself. It never stops even with therapy. I'm planning on asking my therapist on getting electoconvulsive (misspell?) therapy . I wad too nervous to ask her last session. Therapy is almost a joke. I learned nothing new in therapy about myself that I haven't already figured out on my own through research. Most of the time while i'm in therapy, I stare at the ground trying to think of what to say, leaving awkward silences to take up most of the time. I have very few friends and even fewer who are aware of my social problems that care. I love them, but they aren't going to be in my life forever. I don't want to rely on them for self esteem. I hate this town (manhattan, Kansas), there's nothing to do and nowhere to go that I feel comfortable to talk to people. I feel like a pussy, haha. No wonder i'm single.