My first post r/NoFap, although I've been on the wagon for a couple of weeks. Last night I fell off but I managed to grab it and I'm trying to pull myself up again while being dragged along.

Hey all. Well, here's my first post. I thought I'd give myself a new badge (did it come up yet?)

Little bit of background: I have just moved to a new country (1 month ago) having a long distance relationship with my SO. We have been together for a bit over 3 years and I love her very much. My PMO obsession has been eroding our relationship for a long time and my girl has threatened to break it off with me a number of times because of this. The last time, she was serious. I knew I needed help, and having seen noFap before I turned to it for resources. I found the PsychologyToday articles and yourbrainonporn.com and decided to turn over a new leaf. I've been doing really well even though it has been a total headfuck. I've seen plenty of benefits too, especially in terms of social anxiety and drive.

Yesterday was different. I woke up and my scumbag brain had been dreaming about porn. I spend the day in a blind unsatisfied haze. I had a good day but my horniness was driving me nuts. I hadn't been like that since the first week.

At night I tried to sleep but couldn't. I started fantasizing about my gf (so welcome, to be able to do this now and not have porn scenes get in the way) and all the things we'll do when I go back to visit in just under a month. I decided to write her a dirty email, as I have done in the past when we have been away from each other. I couldn't help myself and started edging as I was writing to her. I hadn't touched myself at all in over 2 weeks. Just before I finished the email I tipped over the edge and had a small semi-orgasm. Hardly anything came out and I did that thing I've read about pushing my thumb into my prostate. But I felt it. All those neurochemicals that had built up, replaced with different ones. My world went into a haze and I came down from the massive high I had been on. I was gutted. I felt like I couldn't finish my email. I managed to, but I cut out some of the real explicit parts - I just couldn't stomach the idea of them now I'd had that orgasm. Even though it wasn't really an orgasm. I finished it though, and went to bed. I could finally sleep now.

I've just woken up and things feel different. I don't feel like doing much. I feel like my limbic system is desensitised from all that dopamine last night. I am going to a picnic with workmates today and I'm slightly anxious about it. I'm not sure if I've fallen off the wagon completely or not. Hopefully it will take me less time to get back to where I was.

Now I think I know what the O comedown is truly like. We'll see how today is...

tl;dr: 2 weeks 3 days no PMO, got crazy horny, ended up writing my gf (who I now live in a different country to) a dirty email in the middle of the night, touched myself for the first time in 2 weeks and had a semi-orgasm. feeling the O comedown.