I have completely lost all desire to have sex with my husband.

My husband and I have been together for five years. I am 31 and he is 33. I completely love him, and he is my soul mate. We have known each other for 11 years, he was my best friend before we got together and he is still very much my best friend.

Two years after we met he moved to Vancouver and I was living on the east coast of the US. It was about 3 years later that we fell in love over the internet, and our first year together was long distance. When he got back to the US we had an amazing sex life. We were so compatible and we both have certain likes and dislikes in sex. He has a pain fetish, and I do a bit as well. Not huge amounts of pain, but a bite or nails down the back. Its very fun and we are both very safe about it. We used to make love to each other too, it wasn't all pain and kink because well, time and a place I guess.

For the past few years every single time I have sex with my husband he cant get off unless I am in at least minor discomfort. Or if I am being degraded in some way.

A little background about me here might help. I started having sex way too young, and I definitely used sex as a way to be 'loved' if you will, a very common thing among teen girls. This lead to me having trust issues that go hand in hand with sex, as I am extremely trusting in every other aspect of our relationship. I have been divorced and dealt with a man who never had sex with me and he refused to talk about it with me, gave me no reason why and always said he just didn't feel like it. We went an entire year before he said that he didn't have sex with me because he didn't like me and wanted a divorce.

I have talked about this with my husband several times, and how I miss having sex that isn't completely unpleasant that I do like the BDSM sex, but not every time, that I miss that he used to make love to me or when we just had regular sex. He said he understood and that he would work on it and that he really did love me and wanted our sex life to improve and that he would do whatever would make me comfortable. For a few months it was really good, we made love a lot more than we had been, we had what was, what I think, a healing sex life. Things were getting better... and then...

He secretly videotaped us having sex, and got away with it. It was when he tried to do it a second time that he messed up. He had put the video camera into a bookshelf an I didn't notice it and afterwards I was laying in bed in post coitous bliss and he starts getting antsy, walking around asking if I am going to get up yet. And then video camera stops, and starts to rewind.

I get really angry and my trust has completely been broken, I have always been very against video taping the sex, I am just uncomfortable with it and have always told him no when he has asked to do it. So since then I have not wanted to have sex, I feel betrayed and now my husband has gone the, make her feel guilty about not attending to my needs approach to getting laid. He tells me all the time that its not fair that I dont have sex with him, that I am his wife and I am supposed to have sex with him regardless. But I just dont feel comfortable having sex anymore, dont want to, with anyone. I dont even want to hug him anymore because he always tries to put his hands in my pants or physically seduce me into wanting to have sex. He tells me that I am selfish, and he no longer wants to try to repair the trust he just wants to have sex, I have seriously considered letting him go out and have sex with someone else. Today he told me that it wasn't fair that I got drunk last night and didn't let him have sex with me, because apparently in the past, getting me drunk has been a very reliable way for him to get laid.

I know that if I do have sex with him, which I have a few times, I will have to fake enjoyment and it will eventually end in me asking him to not hurt me and then basically just faking pain so he will get off and leave me alone.

Anything to say reddit? advice? tips?

TL;DR: Husband has completely broken my trust when it comes to having sex with him. Instead of trying to work through it with me he is trying to guilt me into it instead.