So I have a certain vintage ring store I follow, and they have a ring I really want right now. Plus it’s on sale! I really want my SO to buy it before someone else does and he can even pay in installments on the website. But should I tell him all this? I just sent him a link to the ring which I previously showed him and told him I’d like “something like this”.
Posted Dec 8, 2021, 11:17 PM UTC
150% tell him. You’ll regret it if you don’t.
Definitely agree with this. My SO said he would propose and then we would go shopping together. I didn't bother to drop hints cuz I figured I didn't need to. He then proposed with a ring I didn't want to wear for life. Fortunately we could return it and I got what I wanted.
You can tell them and be upfront, which is always a good thing in a healthy relationship. Say something like, "We both know we're on the road towards marriage. The proposal doesn't have to be anytime soon, but just so you know I found the ring that I want. It's on sale right now, and since it's a vintage, one-of-a-kind piece I'm worried it won't be available too much longer." Then have a discussion about that.
If they seem hesitant to make the purchase right away, another option is for you to purchase this ring for yourself and give it to your partner to give back to you when it's time to propose. I've known lots of brides (some of them on this sub) who have done this. Less romantic? Maybe, but consider what you want: the ring you love right now, or the spontaneity of an unknown ring in the future? No wrong answer, but it's something to think about :)
This!!
The super-duper-romantic rule we have is that I micromanage/choose what I want and buy it. Mr pays me back afterwards and gets me exactly what I want. (If it’s more than $200, we discuss first. If it’s less than that, I normally buy it for myself.)
My engagement rings have been a shared cost so far- he’ll get them when they’re done and hold them hostage keep them safe until he’s ready to ask.
hold them hostagekeep them safe
I snorted.
I have considered purchasing it myself but that seems unromantic for some reason since it’s supposed to be a gift for me lol. I’m talking to him tonight so maybe I will just be upfront
Yeah that’s definitely a personal decision. There’s nothing wrong with buying your own ring but I don’t think I could personally marry somebody if I had to buy my own ring.
Just tell him what you want. Assuming he wants to marry you, which I’m sure he does, it won’t be a big deal at all. I sent my guy a document about what I wanted in a ring and what to look for in a diamond and he just took me shopping instead 😂. The right guy won’t be scared off
For the record I did tell him straight up last night and he is getting it!
I’mm already married so I swear I won’t buy it, but I love vintage jewelry! Can you send me a photo of it, or at least the company who sells the vintage jewelry ?
The gift is that you get exactly what you want.
How that happens, who cares? : )
Really depends on your relationship honestly. I did this (with Victor Barboné) and my partner felt very pressured and like he was just a card swiper. We compromised and I was able to source an antique diamond that was similar to those used in my favorite designs by them and now we’re going to work with a local jeweler to create inspired by an antique designs. This way he and I are involved in the process. He wanted to do it all on his own, to show his love through the time/effort/thoughtfulness but he also eventually realized that I have particular taste in rings. So it depends :)
Edit: with the added bonus that it’s not 10k+ for the same thing essentially (in terms of antique diamond)
No it is not very expensive—doesn’t even have a diamond! I’m very untraditional lol
Haha fair enough! I think it’s good to have open communication either way. Worst case he’ll explain why he doesn’t want to but couldn’t hurt to talk about it more. It may require another conversation more than the simple hint for it to happen. Some guys are on top of it others are kind of thick-headed lol
Mine is also vintage lol I picked it out and told him to buy it 😅. Listen, if you're going to get a ring it may as well be the one you want.
Exactly! You’re the one who’s going to wear it for the rest of your life, it should be what you want
Same here! We went to a few vintage stores together, I knew immediately that we found the right one as soon as I tried it on. We asked the store employee to hold it for us, went around the corner to get coffee, and after about ten minutes I said, "Ok so I will just wait here for a bit now..."
Hahaha! Amazing
I don't want a traditional ring so I've sent my boyfriend an email with the ring I want
I did this when I found what I absolutely 100% wanted. If you know it’s what you want and nothing else will do, just tell him!
I mean, I am an exceptionally obnoxious girlfriend... I send my boyfriend pictures of rings I like all the time. I know the stone, carot weight, gold type etc that it will be. My boyfriend is going to have it custom made and will decide on the rest of the details.
This is literally me. I obsess over the tiniest detail so he know I’d have to be involved or I’d go crazy. It’s totally okay to tell them what ring you want as long as you’re not being unreasonable and making sure the budget is something you guys are comfortable with!
My husband was so happy that I was involved tbh!
Exactly, and because I desperately want a moissanite (give me all the fire and sparkly), It's going to be very affordable for him. He's just accepted that he's going to hear me talk about it until it's on my finger 😂😂😂
Communication is important to us. We both wanted input into the ring so designed it together! Be upfront and direct.
I am currently shopping for a ring and I decided to include my S/O in the engagement ring process so she ends up with what she wants/loves. We are both discussing ideas/things to try, and it has been a really fun process so far. In fact, we both decided to go with a tapered baguette band, even though she thought she wanted a micro pave band. I suggested it since I personally liked it and she agreed after trying it on. She ended up liking it more than the micro pave.
I picked my ring at a vintage store. I thought I wanted a different ring but when I saw THE ONE I was like......Um.....I think I'm in love!
Yes, why not? Just be honest. He’ll likely even appreciate how easy you’re making it on him.
When my fiancé and I had started discussing getting engaged, I made a wishlist for him on Etsy with all the rings I would be happy with. Then one day I was browsing and I scrolled on to THE ONE. I texted him the link and said “if you haven’t bought a ring yet, ignore all the others and just get this one”. Worked out well for him because choosing one from a list was really overwhelming for him and he liked knowing EXACTLY what I wanted. Helped that it was on sale and only 500$ lol.
My SO hasn’t gotten me my ring yet (at least not that I’m aware of) but I’ve picked one out from a jewelry store that I frequent and I’ve told him. He has the SKU number and knows which one it is. I think as long as you’ve already discussed marriage it shouldn’t be an issue to express what you would want in a ring.
I sent my now husband an email with links to 6 rings that I loved, 3 in the style I preferred, 3 in the styled he preferred. I also specified my ring size, metal choice, what size Moissanite stone I liked.
I explained what I liked with each ring so that he could choose the one that resonated the most with him.
We decided to do it this way so that he could still surprise me but know that I'd like whatever he ended up choosing so it wasn't a high pressure decision for him. It was like a best of both worlds situation for us.
If you think this is THE ring, and you want it on your hand forever, and you’ll never be happy if it’s not that ring, then I’d say tell him if you know engagement is on the cards at some point. He doesn’t have to tell you if he buys it, he can keep that a surprise. He either will, or he will scout around for something similar.
Just manage your own expectations that you may not get it. I’d sent links of the exact style I wanted (which was a pear solitaire so easy to get hold of) and have no regrets about telling my fiancé, because I love my ring so much.
So there’s no harm in telling him if it really is what you want!
We were young and broke, so I didn’t get anything fancy. The diamonds in my ring were pretty small, but I loved it.
9 years later, my grandmother died and she left me the center stone of 1939 engagement ring and I had it added to my ring (to replace my much smaller diamond) and it looks beautiful. It’s probably about 1ct (grandma’s center stone).
I’ve also have two weddings bands that frame the engagement ring, both with diamonds so it really sparkles even though it’s not an expensive or big fancy engagement ring.
I had decided that I wanted a specific gemstone that I had just found out about and that he may not have known about (moss agate) so once when we were talking about the possibility of getting married I let him know that I wanted a moss agate set in yellow gold. He picked out the setting and everything so it was still a surprise!
I sent him the link to the exact one I wanted and also told him they had a sale going on, so he got it that week. We had been very open about me picking the whole time, though.
if you feel like it'll be too direct to tell him, you can tell your friends or family! they'll help you drop hints to him hehe
I sent my now-fiancée an email with the subject line “this one please” and nothing in the body except a link to the exact ring I wanted. It was on my finger a few months later and I couldn’t be happier!
ETA: this is also assuming you’ve discussed marriage with your partner already and are in general agreement about a timeline. Maybe I’m just dispassionate and unromantic, but while I think exactly when, where, and how a proposal happens can be a surprise, I absolutely don’t think the fact that it’s coming soon should be kept secret—that needs to be a discussion and agreement you reach together. In my case, we had already agreed that we wanted to get engaged by mid-2021 so we could have a 2022 wedding.
Agree! I told my partner what ring to buy. No regrets. He still planned a surprise proposal and I didnt see the ring in person until the proposal. It made us both happy to do it this way and we agreed before shopping around that we were ready to get married.
This is EXACTLY how I’ve been with my soon-to-be fiancé! I’m literally wearing the ring right now admiring it as a “quick preview,” admiring how we’ve built such an amazing relationship and have thrived together, when the official proposal is Friday! It’s honestly made this whole proposal process that much more special and mindful and reflective of all we have. It just takes communication. And I’m kinda bougie too 💁🏻♀️ haha it’s so us 🥰