r/dating_advice•
[deleted]

Can't get past first date. What's wrong with me?

25 year old male. I've been on 5 OKCupid first dates in the last week. None of them has lead anywhere.

General facts:

  • Most of these dates have been afternoon get-togethers, either hiking trails or wandering city neighbourhoods (browsing bookstores, getting coffee/drinks, etc).
  • With one exception, I haven't tried to kiss on the first date.
  • I'm only looking for short-term dating, not LTRs, and this is clearly indicated on my profile.
  • I have a summer job in another city that starts in about a month and I've been mentioning this on every date just to be up-front with people.

First date on Friday went really, really well. I was really interested in her and she seemed was reciprocating conversationally as well as physically. It was the most natural-feeling of all the dates I went on.

However, now we're just stuck in texting hell. I asked her out the next day for next Friday or Saturday (this weekend) but she said she might be busy so she'd get back to me with a yes or no later on. All throughout this week she kept texting me. I didn't want to constantly bug her to give me a firm yes/no on the second date so I asked once by text on Tuesday and again on Thursday by telephone. Thurs she finally said she couldn't make it and that next week was probably out also.

Today she texted me again apologizing for not being able to make it today. She also asked if I was mad at her. I said no. Asked her again about meeting up Sun/Mon and she said she was still too busy. Claimed she had already had to cancel on "another friend." Honestly, she was really cool in person and we had a blast, but a) feel like she's putting me in the friend zone b) feel like if she really wanted to see me, she'd make time--I'm pretty busy too.

Second date on Sunday didn't go as well. We didn't seem to click. I liked her but her personality didn't seem to match with mine. Figured I'd give her another shot and asked her out on Wednesday for the weekend. She sent a terse reply saying she was busy with friends all weekend; no offer to reschedule.

Third date on Monday seemed to go really well. She seemed disappointed when I casually mentioned that I was leaving the city for the summer. We discussed meeting up again at the end of the date; she seemed to want to do it. She doesn't have a cell phone so I messaged her on the dating website. Didn't ask her out right away, just suggested we exchange emails so as to avoid the tedious website. No response.

Fourth date on Tuesday was sufficiently boring that I didn't want to ask her out again.

Fifth date today (Saturday) went really well up until the end, when I broke my rules and tried to kiss her. I guess I thought since I wasn't having too much luck that I should start changing my approach. I really felt like there was a lot of mutual attraction going on between us and so towards the end I tried to kiss her. It was really awkward and she backed away from me.

It wasn't an ideal setting for an attempted kiss (middle of the sidewalk, we were walking together in the rain under one umbrella held by me, I just told her to stop and tried to kiss her) so it's not like she just wasn't into me. Pretty sure I messed that one up and now I feel like an IDIOT. It had been going SO WELL. Is it even worth asking her out again?

Posted Mar 25, 2012, 1:44 AM UTC

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