No self control / you guys are an inspiration

I smoked pot in high school and then stopped for about 6 years until selling pot got me back into smoking it about 5 years ago. I quickly developed a pretty ridiculous habit due to being able to smoke for free (1-2 grams of kush a day, for the last 5 years), but I assumed when I stopped selling I'd stop smoking. Well, I stopped selling about two years ago and here I am. Sometimes I feel like I'm chained to it. Every time I feel the slightest hint or inclination of boredom, which is basically all the time since I live a fairly lonely life and have always been pretty depressed all the time, I smoke weed. I smoke so often that a lot of the time I don't even feel like I'm getting high, but I smoke anyway.

I feel like it's a horrendous loop. I feel bored, so I smoke weed in the hopes I'll want to do something productive, but instead I just watch Netflix or surf imgur or reddit until I stop being high, then I'm bored again, so I smoke some more. I seem to waste all but a few hours of the day doing absolutely nothing and that's even more depressing. I'll try to quit at the end of a sack but I panic after a few hours and buy more, though one time I made it about a day. Even if I run out of money, I still have ABV left over from my launchbox that I can grind up and re-smoke even though it's kind of a lousy high. I feel like I need to get high so I can eat these days, most of the time.

What's worse, what I didn't even realize until I found this subreddit, is that I've felt totally alone in this. All my other stoner friends don't seem to have a problem, or at least they don't communicate they do, but maybe I don't either. I try to treat it like a joke, like ha ha I can't help but smoke weed. My ex-girlfriend was a major enabler, saying that I was obviously happier when I smoked weed but she'd never really seen me fully adjusted to being sober in the 3 years we were together, so she didn't know. I don't know. I don't really remember what not smoking weed all the time is like. The idea of not having my crutch is terrifying.

Anyway. I hope this subreddit actually inspires me to finally quit smoking and to get my shit together. Thanks everyone.