Seeking advice and/or prayer for my marriage

Hey r/christianity,

I know there's another subreddit for prayer requests but I noticed it's not very frequently used, and aside from that I'm also seeking some wisdom that any of you might have to offer.

In a nutshell, I'm gravely concerned for my marriage.

My wife and I have been married for just about 3 years. We've known each other for about 12 years and were best friends for a long time before dating, breaking up, dating again and marrying.

Since about 6 months into our marriage things have never been very easy for us and I have found it difficult to really connect with her on an intimate spiritual, emotional and physical level. Something always seems to be lacking.

Over the past 2 years I've really worked hard on me. I realized I had some issues relating to sexual abuse I experienced growing up. I worked through it. I realized I have had some sin-related issues (food, sexual sin) and I have confessed, repented and worked through it. I'm trying to rule out every possible barrier on my end and I still seem to be drawing a blank as to how to connect with my wife. Nothing seems to work.

She just seems so resistant, even though we both admit our marriage is in shambles.

I pray every night with her before bed. And last night she tells me "Y'know, when you pray for God to soften our hearts to God and to each other, my heart actually hardens more. I can actually feel myself hardening and distancing myself further from you when you pray for that"

Tough pill to swallow.

She's a Christian and has been for many years. We've tried counselling. We've read books, and at the end of the day I have no plans of leaving or going elsewhere to "fulfill my needs" but I want so desperately to honour God in my marriage, but also have a successful marriage, not a mediocre one.

To complicate matters, she's a pastor's daughter and I'm in ministry. She's very closed about talking about this with others, hence the anonymity that Reddit offers is sort of enticing.

Is there anyone who's been through hell and back in their marriage that can offer me any wisdom?

TL;DR - My marriage is at a stalemate as my wife (who is a believer) seems resistant to growing toward God AND me and we desperately need restoration. Prayer and advice appreciated!