Bisexual frustrations

Like with several other people, bisexuality has led my life into so much confusion and frustration. I’m currently a freshman in college and I haven’t been in a relationship in years. I’ve never been in a relationship with any other guy and I’m definitely willing to try that out someday. I should also mention that I’ve only revealed my bisexuality to four good friends.

This year, I’ve fallen head over heels for this one guy that lives next to me in my dorm. We’ve become pretty good friends, but I want that to be something more. Unfortunately, he labels himself as a conservative republican and Christian. He is introverted when it comes to his religious and political beliefs; he hardly discusses them. He is also one of the nicest (and hottest) people I’ve met.

It turns out I’m living with him next year in an apartment with four other guys. Just before the six of us signed our lease contract, I felt that I had the responsibility to tell him about my sexual orientation. He was completely fine with it, saying that it was okay and that it was not that big of a deal. Telling him this was by far the most difficult thing I’ve had to say to someone. However, I did not sum up enough courage to tell him my true feelings for him. What is frustrating to me is that I still don’t know what his points of views are on homosexuality since he avoids the topic.

He said to me that it would be a good idea to tell the four other housemates but I really have no incentive to so far. I asked him for advice on how I should tell my roommate for next year (who is living in a suite with me currently) but refused to really give any comments. I know for sure that my future roommate would be tolerant about it since he said so himself that he supports gay rights but the way he acts says otherwise at times. In other words, I just don’t want to deal with any of my future roommate's potentially offensive jokes and humor (he doesn't know i'm bi and already makes sexual references to me and sexual/physical contact with me as a joke which I find repulsive actually). I doubt he is gay; he’s obsessed with women. I do plan to tell him in the near future though.

I’m pretty sure the guy I like is straight, which is just killing me emotionally. I would think that after telling him about my sexual orientation that he would have told me if he were indeed bi or gay. So any chances of a relationship are slim to none for me. I’m still trying to accept this fact. I honestly shouldn’t have chosen to live with this guy in the first place, but now I’m stuck with a year-long lease with him.

I can definitely tell that next year will be incredibly difficult for me to get in a relationship with someone else, whether it be with a guy or gal. I haven’t really been in a serious relationship before so that makes this situation a bit more complicated. I want my first serious relationship to mean something and last. Although I’m bisexual, I don’t follow the stereotype of wanting open relationships. I’d prefer to be monogamous even though I’ll have unfulfilled sexual desires with whoever I am with.

Should I even tell him my true feelings? He is extremely intelligent so he probably already suspects that I like him (he’s the only one I’ve told so far on my dorm’s floor and he knows that.) He still treats me the same way compared to before I told him about my sexuality. It isn’t that awkward with him and he’s still a good friend. Looking at it from his perspective, I don’t think he would want to live with another guy that likes him.

Thanks to anyone who read all of this, I’d really appreciate any related stories and comments.