Just needed to lose control for a change even though I knew I would regret it

Fibro and EDS 28F. I needed a place to vent, not looking for sympathy as I know I did this to myself.

I deal with crazy stress, pain, fatigue, and confusion on a daily basis seemingly from every aspect in my life. I fight everyday to try to make things begin to come together but it leads to a lot of frustration and anger that I cannot vent out or work out in healthy ways so I leave it in me.

I've been working on my mental health and finding new ways to get this anger out however today I just lost that control and I kicked a heavy plastic bin.

Luckily nothing broke but I'm crazy bruised and swollen, foot is red where it's not blue. I can walk on it but keeping it on the ground causes horrific aching pain that only goes away after elevation again for some time.

I hate that I did it and know I will be paying for it for a while but oh my goose it felt validating to not follow my strict rules for once and act on instinct. I cannot and will not make a habit of this unhealthy behaviour and this pain will remind me the next time I think about losing control.