Significant

Do you ever feel

Like you could put a bullet in your brain

And nobody’s life but yours would change

There’d be no memorial

No obituaries, no mention in newspaper editorials

No fireworks In the sky

No attempt to celebrate your life

Like a gnat on a car window

You’re nothing, every word they said was hollow

Nothing, a ghost, a shell of memory

To them, nothing worth remembering

Your life never meant a thing

To anyone but you

And you ended it

So did you ever care either

Did anyone even care about you

Not even you could stand you

​

You were a gnat on a car window

Squashed against life’s dull moments

So small, so insignificant

They don’t remember you

They never even thought about you

You never went to a single party

Not because they didn’t want you there

But because they never remembered to invite you

You claimed apathy

But your life was a tragedy

Emotional breakdown

Staring up crying

Barely even seen

Blank faces and fake concern

Commotion in the middle of the classroom

And the teachers still just teaching

The gossip girls not looking

The jocks aren't noticing

Are you invisible

No, you’re just nothing

You claim apathy

But that’s how the world treated you

You claim apathy

But you meant so little, I’d say it’s a tragedy

But really

Who cares what happens to you

You claimed apathy, but nobody even knew

​

Alone, penniless, nobody called you in missing

Not even your parents

They forgot you even exist

Alone, penniless, four days before they found you

They weren’t even looking

Alone, penniless, with a bullet in your brain

Four days you were missing

Nobody’s life had changed

​

The stolen gun was called in

But not the missing kid

1, 2

Posted Dec 16, 2021, 5:15 AM UTC

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[deleted]•

[deleted]

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AutoModeratorMOD•

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1
medieval_sam•

This made me cry. Not only is it personally relatable to me, but the situations presented made it possible for the state of mind portrayed and its idiosyncrasies to be felt, viscerally, like in the end when it's mentioned that the theft of the gun was reported, but not the missing kid. Not a human soul, not somebody's child. That's something intrinsically miserable. I also specifically liked the breakdown of the apathetic attitude facade and how it's just a facade, hit home again. In general, I think the poem could benefit from a little more rhythmic structuring, like occasional rhymes, slightly more generically organized stanzas, or a more brazen use of punctuation - but either way, I really liked it and its poignant honesty.

1
plbrhajvrvOP•

Yeah it was kinda just a blurt out of emotion, and it’s a little old so my ability to write wasn’t as good, so it lacks structure it’s kinda just emotion yknow?

1

This made me feel like at the edge of the universe. No sounds just reminiscence. It is wonderful the take you have on apathy but a compliment is the least you can expect since yk how people love poetry inspired by love and hope. Now for the cons: montone. Spice it up with additional emotions. Repeat the lines that you think are powerful, it makes people pause and think. Write in stanzas to preserve the feeling and then u can transition into a more intense one on the next one

1