Source
r/bisexual•
zfl

Is it necessary to "come out"?

COMING OUT

Title.

Context: middle aged, hetero sexual marriage and most prior relationships. Monogamy preferred.

Recent therapy and self-reflection have potentially identified un-integrated (repressed?) bisexuality as a (one of) cause of many, erm, aberrant--let's say, anti-social behaviors throughout my life.

Kind of an odd-duck though and don't see the purpose of "coming out". Kinda see it as narcissistic--let the hate flow through you, mwahahahaha. Seriously though, I'm not a fan of "look at me", "pay attention to me"-ism.

It's a catch 22 in my eyes. I feel like I'm a bit alone here but anyone feel the same?

I have this burning pit of denial that has caused so much destruction in my life (maybe?) yet I equally abhor this present culture of "you're so brave". Fucking, for what? Bull-horning the obvious? The mundane? I'm human, can I not be loved for that first? Who gives fuck-all who or what I like to get down with? I want to be a human first, not a "cis male bi-sexual". Although there was a period particularly in my youth where I thought I was trans because it was the only way I could integrate my sexual thoughts.

And if I came out...then what? So what? Does that "fix" me? Am I OK then? Everything hunky dory, problems solved, on to the next...Seriously wtf?

I'm not as angry as all this sounds. Just looking for others who have been in mine or similar shoes...

I expect this post to be censored or downvoted to oblivion which is perfectly par for the course. Everyone likes their beliefs to fit in a nice colored box, this or that. No room for intellectual dissent. Cya.

EDIT: Case-and-point. Y'all's feedback really helps actually and I was just being my usual impulsive-asshole self. Anger. Too much anger. Yeesh. Appreciate the support, honestly, it helps a lot. Given me a lot more (positive) stuff to think about.

Posted Dec 22, 2021, 3:52 AM UTC · edited

48
[deleted]•

Really it’s about coming out to yourself and accepting who you are. Validation from others is fleeting and shallow many times. Some people come out for the benefit of others who may be having a difficult time accepting themselves and need to realize there is nothing wrong with them

7
MagicalJunicornGenderqueer/Bisexual :flag-gq-bi:•

It’s totally up to you and you don’t have to if you don’t want to, but painting it as narcissistic or attention seeking is really dismissive and gross. It’s also really hurtful to the many people who would love to come out but can’t, for various reasons. Just because you don’t want to do it doesn’t mean it’s bad. That’s a horrible attitude to have.

3
SupremeElectpink, white, & blue 🏳️‍⚧️•

coming out doesn’t have to be about seeking attention. living as openly bisexual can help make your social circles significantly more accepting of queer people, if they aren’t already.

3
[deleted]•

It’s totally up to you. I came out after being married. I was open with friends and my spouse for a few years and then one day decided I should share it with more people. I personally knew folks in my situation who would not be vocal about it because of family members being unaccepting (totally their decision and I supported them) but hoped that more people who are open about it more people in those positions will feel more comfortable. As long as what you do makes you happy, that’s what’s important.

2
Eeveelover14•

Eh, there are plenty of reasons why someone may choose to come out. Personally I never have, but I also grew up in a household where being not being straight wasn't seen any differently. Unfortunately that's not a luxury everyone has been given.

2
cored-biBisexual :flag-bi:•

Some people feel as if they have to. It’s a decision you have to make.

1
cgessjixBisexual :flag-bi:•

Doesn't it feel good to finally get it if your chest though? Even if it's just here in this post?

1
[deleted]•

I've written about coming out here before.

Here's the link if you want to have a look at it

https://www.reddit.com/r/bisexual/comments/r3tzwb/coming_out_for_newbis/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share

1