Hello, thank you so much for your critique. Perhaps it's been a bad idea to share my story in an English-speaking forum because I don't have any experience translating stuff. Therefore, the issues that might exist in the original might be worsened in my translation. 

Yes, I write in continental Spanish. I'm from northern Spain. I assume you are more familiar with Latin American Spanish? Plus, my father is British so I am more familiar with UK English. "Anorak" is a good example of that; according to the Cambridge Dictionary, it's mainly used in the UK. 

I think some of your criticisms are only valid for the translation (especially in terms of style), but some of the other problems definitely exist in the original as well. 

Anyway, thanks for taking your time to read and critique this.

Hello and thank you for posting. Please take these thoughts as just a random person on the internet and in terms of RDR, I am not offering this up as an official critique to trade in for the future.

This is difficult to really critique given the language change. I did gloss over the Spanish, but my brain has great difficulty appreciating prose because of basically exclusively reading in English. Also, I am not going to ask a family member to read this and look at me like I am insane. There is a huge current family debate right now regarding the odd wording of the bus with *tire para abajo* used for the *puertas en emergencia* which require a pull (not throw) sort of motion. I think it makes sense. But per my aunt it is absolutely asinine and wrong. She wants to write letters. Translation stuff is hard when just meaning let alone when aimed at art.

Also…this looks like continental Spanish which really is a different language. Some of the stuff seems not to have translated well. Like a

Oh no, this story has nothing to do with vampires. It's realism. Thanks for your critique though.

Edit: I tried to make the description of Vladimir a bit creepy to reflect the protagonist's social anxiety, but I see the reader might get a wrong impression from it. The story is about a guy who is going to an end-of-year party for the first time in many years. He recalls some of his past experiences with Vladimir. In the end, he isn't even able to open the door because of his anxiety. But no vampires or anything like that.

I used to read Spanish Lit in College. While I may not understand everything perfectly, I can read the original tell you my impressions in English.

Edit: Okay, so here are my thoughts. 

Honestly @Grauzevn8 covered a lot of my issues with your character and phrasing in English and Spanish, so I'm not going to worry about that except to say, you need to reevaluate some of your phrasing. You have a lot of instances that were really difficult to follow or overly wordy. Also, almost the entire story is written with the same sentence structure. Sometimes it almost feels like you are trying to tie too many elements together or like the protagonist is neurotic and anxious. Is he? If so, then lean into it with more impending dread. 

In answer to your questions:
1.. I do not find this engaging. Honestly, I find it long winded and boring and think you really need a better hook for your first sentence or paragraph. It currently sounds too much like an everyday person encountering a vampire, whi

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