I Made it

The last two paragraphs really make the poem for me. When i started, i felt the lines(though maybe real) were a little cliché but it got stronger progressively. Hope you're doing well. Take care. Keep writing

1: It like snap between 'joining the world again', which makes me feel triumphant and bold, and "I was too busy drowning". The line's causal nature regarding something so stressful made me feel confusion, but also a lack of care about self suffering due to how normal it is. "Thrashing beneath the waves" is so common, it's treated with the same weight as watching reruns on TV. It's deeply uncomfortable. I'd take out "Life was suffocating" because it's a short cliche (I made up that term, it's explained later with contrast when I talk about my feeling on the 3rd stanza), and it's implied by "drowning". The last lines make me feel uncared about, for while drowning, it felt like there was a great distance between me and humanity, but there wasn't. It was there watching but not doing anything. This makes me feel a "well screw you too then" attitude, but it's contrasted with the triumph of 'joining the world again'. Great first stanza!

2: The first line "It felt like a dream at times" contrasts with the word "crushed" to produce a short whiplash. The last three lines flow together well do add to the life's cruelty, and a desperation to escape it. Also great!

3: Despite the "glass heart" cliche, it works because it's long, meaning it's given direct details like "clattering with every careful breath", which force attention and give it emotional weight. It doesn't overdetail, but it gives just enough context to evoke feelings, for me of being delicate and weak, and fear due to the latter two. Small nitpick for the line "I stood at the edge of the abyss": I'd change "the" to "an" because "the" implies it was spoken of before which confuses me in a bad way because it wasn't. That's just me, and I can be REALLY pedantic at times. Feel free to point out every grammatical error in this post out of revenge; it would be really funny :). Anyway, the next eight lines to a good job of adding to the atmosphere, and the last line relates to the first stanza to tie the ideas together in a more straight forward way. Well done.

4: I'd change the first line to "I jumped" to produce a bit more tension, but doing that loses the direct implication of leaping promising relief from cruelty. Overall, I feel the last stanza relates to the first line of the poem well due to creating an overall feeling of triumph, but I'd also take out "I couldn't cut the thread" because it doesn't fit the scene. Is the thread a bungy cord? There was no mention of a thread elsewhere, so it feels out of place. It kind of relates to the nitpick in the 3rd stanza. Lastly, I like how you ended the poem with the title in a way so seamless I didn't notice at first. When I did, my inner Peter popped off lol.

Thanks for posting and indirectly teaching me about how to cliches well. Ya did good :).

I feel like so much content on the darkness and heaviness of life is so far in the extreme.

This poem really captures that limbo state of being so done with it all but not at the point of ending it. I actually got quite choked up near the end, because I can really connect to the triumphant feel of accepting that you are not okay, but knowing that you are holding on.

Any poetry that can move a complete stranger to almost tears is amazing in my books.

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