Mirror

​

My Mother was an artist, creating beautiful things

Paintings and Poetry

All the while she extirpated excellently

A cataclysm, catastrophe, contradictory

Broken glass and shattered meanings

I fear that one day I will look into the mirror

And see her face

​

I fear that one day, I will look into the mirror

And see her eyes in mine

See her nose where mine should be

Her mouth smiling back at me

I fear that one day I will look into the mirror

And see her face

​

Sometimes I hear her voice in my own

Her laugh in mine

Her yell in my tone

​

My mother was an artist creating beautiful things

She molded me like clay

Shaping me in the way her image lay

​

My mother was an artist, with a painful skill

And I have a fear that one day I will look into the mirror

And see her face

​

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/s5sroz/comment/htc2mb8/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/s7tgnu/comment/htccvsj/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3

Posted Jan 19, 2022, 6:07 PM UTC

811
DEVILDORIGHT•

I'm not really sure how to take this. It's prose, but it's not. To be clear, I like the piece.

The line "Broken glass and shattered meanings" in the first stanza strikes a resonant chord with me. My mother was abusive. Not sure if that's what was meant by that line, but that's my feeling on it.

She may have made you, but that doesn't mean you will become, or have to become her. You are not a mirror image of your mother and you don't have to be. You can break the cycle.

I know, it's hard for me, because I see myself becoming my dad. I see him in my mannerisms and hear him in my words. We are very much alike in a lot of ways, yet I know, I am not him, I know that we are vastly different too.

Maybe I missed the meaning in this piece, but what I get from it is a deep inner turmoil, a reflection of self that doesn't really agree with what one wants to be.

One suggestion though, I would probably try to work on the syllable count for a more harmonious flow. Although the bumpiness of it may be intentional.

3
definetly_somethingOP•

This means a lot (and I think I may have needed to hear some of that, thank you); you definitely got the meaning right! Thank you for the advice! I'm definitely going to take that into account, I knew something was off but I couldn't quite pinpoint it.

3
DEVILDORIGHT•

You're most welcome.

3
HowToTakeALife•

I love the idea, but I'm not overwhelmed by the execution.

I found myself wanting more detail about this relationship. You focused solely on the physical aspects of your face and voice, but not the mental part of yourself. I wanted to know why you had so much anxiety about this situation.

I just wanted some more information. Either way, this is still very well done. Great work!

3
definetly_somethingOP•

Honestly, I've been thinking about re-writing the poem, and this gives me a really good idea of what to add! Thank you!

2
HowToTakeALife•

I'm glad I could be an inspiration. I look forward to reading it.

1
Wildcat3318•

Nice work! I thoroughly enjoyed this. My only complaint is that the fourth line in the first stanza felt a little forced. And while I enjoy alliteration, I don't think it flows the best in this instance.

2
definetly_somethingOP•

Thank you for letting me know! I think I may change that in my next draft.

2
AutoModeratorMOD•

Oh, hi there; didn't see you! You've reached r/OCPoetry. This is a workshop site where you can share, read, and talk about eachother's poetry & etc. To post your own poems, you need to give feedback to 2 other writers. If you aren't trying to share, you're encouraged to give feedback, but aren't required. Try to be nice, questioning, and specific. If you can't do that - eat a cabbage and come back later. Try to give feedback to a writer without any feedback. Lastly, read our feedback guide , other writer's comments, or this author’s feedback links. If you still aren't sure whether your comments are useful ‘feedback’, or you have any other questions, send us a modmail!

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

1
alombranso•

It's a really good concept, I think taking a little bit of time to space out the milismas and flow them together with more reasoning as to why it'd be so bad to become your mom's image would do some good

1
Roob-Roob•

I really like the looseness of the rhymes in this piece. I find that to be the best middle ground between an older structured kind of poetry and free verse, and I really like your focus on just how similar we can end up being to our parents. The only thing I might add more of is horror: the pure disgust, anger, or fear that comes from realizing how you've become what you never wanted to be. How to add more horror? Maybe go a little bit more in depth with the mirror bit, something spectral and haunting like a visage thought gone slowly shifting over your own. But overall, I really loved the form and the themes :)

1