How to dodge bullets

An idiot refuses to comprehend the physics of a bullet spinning at 2800 ft/s in his direction.

It cuts through the wind, adding complexity to the equation, but none of this matters to him.

Granted, this is a difficult thing to understand, but for him, amassing knowledge is a massive waste of time.

He thinks he’s bullet-proof because what he doesn’t know can’t hurt him.

So it’s surprising when the bullet strikes beneath his chest, shredding his liver into pink mist.

“What does the liver do again?” he asks, looking down at the bloody mess. He doesn’t know, so it can’t be that important.

And he doesn’t even feel a thing because the nervous system is just the name of some shitty indie band he listens to on the weekends.

So why did he fall exactly when the bullet exited his skin?

Why did his blood leave him even though he didn’t understand?

And why did his lungs stop heaving then?

Because sometimes what he doesn’t know can rip him to shreds.

And a metaphorical bullet can be just as vicious.

Like a law he refused to acknowledge; ignorance won’t protect him from societal justice.

Or maybe he snubs vaccinations, allowing expunged diseases to raze medical foundations.

Or maybe it’s the difference between homonyms which/witch he did not/knot think much about until there/their/they’re was know/no way/weigh to/two/too know/no which/witch one/won to/too/two choose/chews when he filled out his job applications.

Yet everything could have been so different if only someone had informed him that knowledge can dodge bullets.

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https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/s7uxz0/comment/htdxlfd/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3

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https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/s7vkng/comment/htdwbfm/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3

Posted Jan 19, 2022, 11:36 PM UTC

2711
eviltimeline•

I like how it feels like I'm not reading poetry, like it's a part taken from a novel. The story just flows and i like the homonyms stanza, really clever.

7
TemporallySpacial•

A very good poem. Not understanding the things that hurt us doesn't change anything at all. Even things as simple as processed foods and alcohol as a comfort or and indulgence can be deadly with time.

3
gartbage1•

Man this poem was cathartic to read. I really enjoyed the representation of how logic and education has ceased to matter to some in this society. Love the wordplay of the second to last stanza. Only thing I would change is maybe the last stanza. It reads somewhat clunky in comparison to the brilliance of the previous stanzas. But it definitely is direct, and if that’s what the intention was for it then it works! Really it’s quite amazing, nice work

2
StewinatorOP•

Thanks for reading, and I'm glad you enjoyed it!

What exactly was clunky in the last stanza? Any particular words or ideas?

And I'm genuinely curious: how would you rewrite it?

I revise my writing to death, so I'm never truly satisfied. A fresh perspective would be great!

1
gartbage1•

Great question! First off: your writing is super distinctive, I’m not sure I could do it justice if I tried to rewrite it. I think my use of the word clunky might be wrong. When I say clunky in comparison i really mean like just in comparison to the rest of it! Like uh.. not as poignant maybe? The language doesn’t feel like it totally syncs up? I think maybe changing up the beginning (the yet everything). Maybe breaking up the sentence into two parts? Some kind of word play with If Only and Only if? (Just one idea) or maybe something that harkens back to the first stanza? Let me know if this is any clearer, I feel like I’m rambling.

2
StewinatorOP•

All great suggestions that never crossed my mind.

Thank you!

2

Love it. Especially “pink mist”.

2
Quoias•

I feel both vindicated and personally attacked at the same time 🌝

(Don’t worry, I don’t think I’m bullet proof)

I don’t think I can correct this, it’s great. Please keep going.

2

damn that was good, i liked the homonyms best lmao

2
Roland-Deschaine•

Wow. Awesome poem. It does a great job of illustrating how his ignorance is not bliss and how truly dangerous ignorance can be. In my opinion, ignorance is one of the most dangerous things in the modern world; and the funny part is, it so easily cured.

Thanks for sharing.

2
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1