Thank you so much for your feedback!! I was thinking the same thing about my use of the word "sang" but I couldn't seem to find a replacement that would flow smoothly I'll definitely keep searching thank you!

because sang is grammatically incorrect here, i feel like there's a knife in my ear when i read that line. 

that being said - i think the premise can work, but the execution needs to be improved.

there's this thing about poetry - you should always have a subject in mind. writing about the idea of two people as opposed to two people makes the work seem very hollow. there's a reason method actors work that way, why you have to get to know the scummy ones to create characters just like them, why love letters can be so emotional. the subject is very precise, deliberate. 

this piece feels vague in that way, like you wanted to write the idea but left out the humanity of it. 

if this isn't about anyone in particular, make it so. and if it is about someone in particular, give it some blood.

Thats actually perfect! Thank you so much for the example and advice

Great job on being able to pack so much imagery into four lines! The first two lines flow well but the last two feel too short. The meter doesn't have to be perfect, but when read aloud a poem should flow naturally. Only thing I'd recommend is to add some more detail to those last two lines, apart from that it is a solid poem. 

Here's an example of what I mean:

"They're soulmates of sorrow not meant to remain

Unfortunate spirits that aren't meant to stay."


Hello readers, welcome to OCpoetry. This subreddit is a writing workshop community -- a place where poets of all skill levels can share, enjoy, and talk about each other's poetry. Every person who's shared, including the OP above, has given some feedback (those are the links in the post) and hopes to receive some in return (from you, the readers).

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This is my first time posting here I wasn't sure which of my poems to post so I just quickly chose this one I'm open to criticism! 


Her heart was a melody not meant to be sang

And his soul was a tune not meant to be played 

They're soulmates not meant to remain

Kindred spirits not meant to stay


Links
https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/s7w0ee/z/htf97ku
https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/s7w0ee/z/htf97ku

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