New Day

short and sweet, i like this.

this is a huge spitball, the piece is fine as is. but if you're interested, read on.

i would swap the line ending with "once was" with the one ending with "tune".

wind, tune, and land are impactful words to end on, whereas "once was" is a little softer. i think putting it right before the final line would generate tension in a more effective spot.

and/or i would phrase the "once was" line differently to match the gravity of the other three lines. the poem is already short and bold, so i could see this strategy working.

nice work!

Thanks for putting this together. Sometimes less is more, and your poem demonstrates that wonderfully. People sometimes feel they need to use all the adjectives and adverbs they can think of, but TBH simple words often have the most meaning.
I like every image in the poem. What I did not understand is why a relatively dark line (line 2) is inserted between three hopeful lines. Reading it line by line and then looking it as a whole, somehow didn't provide a cohesive story for me.
Do you think the poem could benefit by using "But the songbird", rather than "a songbird"? In my opinion, that changes the last two lines into a volta, which says that the bird sings a joyful tune despite the shadows of the life that once was.

I like this piece, short and sweet, no suggestions there. Keep up the good work!

It was a delight to read this poem. Succint, short, sweet - yet had so much depth. Loved the imagery and personification.

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Honestly, my favorite poems have always been the shortest. The challenging task is to sum an entire story, idea, or emotion into a few inspirational verses. And you did this uproariously; I loved it! It sets into the setting of a sunrise with one verse. It gives me chills!!!

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Your words describe a vivid situation. Almost post-apocalyptic but with a bit of optimism mixed in. I enjoy this little bit of micro poetry, and I like the lack of punctuation. I would suggest not capitalizing "shadows", and adding a line break after "has risen". I think it might improve the flow given the aforementioned lack of punctuation.

Nitpicks aside, good stuff. Thanks for sharing!

The title caught my eye as it's one of the basic promises of a mature Christian faith. In darkest skies, calm blue is always above it all waiting to "chill" through a break in the covers. In darkest of predawn moments, we trust that the sun will always rise.

Next, your first line kept my attention and sucked me further into the refreshing vistas of your flowing pen. "Faint whispers of a lost wind." This is quality writing, but if I too have a nitpick like Tim its that wind is perhaps implied already in "the faint whisper." If so, this would free you up in your last word to use a different concept that might better convey your intended poetic meaning to an audience that only sees the times new roman on the screen and doesn't know you from Adam. What about faint whispers of a lost god?

"Shadows of a life that once was" - Again, quality writing. Is there a more arresting word than life though?

"a songbird sings a joyful tune" - Is the generic important to you? You could specify the bird. Does a mourning dove sing the tune? Is it a carolina chickadee?

"for a new day has risen on this forgotten land" - i wouldn't repeat the title here without changing it in such a short poem. make every word count. If you replace life in shadows of life with something else, you could replace day with life here. "for a new life has risen on this forgotten land"

Again, beautiful work, and I hope my humble suggestions help bring some more of your own creative machinations to the surface. Vivez le nouveau jour!

Have you ever tried haikus? I feel like despite the syllable limits, you could do something great with them and I’d be more than intrigued to see.

I appreciate a good short post. Personally I didn’t think anything of it as profound, but I don’t think all poetry needs to be seen through a magnifying glass in order for it to be good. A short poem and a simple little beginning to the day.