nah, gurl. \*formerly\* inanimate objects

\[insert beauty and the beast musical gif here\]

Siam, my goodness. You always have an uncanny ability to bring some overlooked object in our midst to life in the sexiest ways possible. "You hold the match - won't you set my soul on fire?" Ooof. Remember your lava lamp poem? Someone *really* needs to hire you today to make a pornographic version of Beauty and the Sexy Sentient House of Silverware and Candelabras^(TM). Move over Blood and Sand. Move over Pirates. A new Swamp Witch rises!

The personality in the poem is amazing, though the term "babe" may seem unorthodox in a literary context, I believe it works perfectly provided the context. If you haven't already, this would be an ideal piece to translate to music, perhaps a piano solo? (I just realized this was already a common comment, but I mean, it cements the adaptability even further) I could imagine the poem building into a crescendo around the third stanza, then diminishing at the flesh and bone part.


You're killing it! My favourite kinda poem is the kind that makes me see something totally mundane in an entirely new way, that is what in my opinion takes a lot of skill - well, I'm never gonna look at a candle te same again, haha. 

Honestly though, the meter, cadence whatever you want to call it is bang on, I think its just the right length and the imagery is pretty fuckin steamy.

That said, I do think even more word economy could be had ;

My body's made of wax
Carved to be admired
babe, you hold the match-
Won't you set my soul on fire? 

But it really comes down to your personal preference.

I drip beneath its heat / droplets rolling down my figure, to your feet .. 😶

It feels like the speaker is relinquishing control, and then in stanza four there's a feeling of vulnerability -

I'll drown and almost wish / I was made of flesh and bone 

I wish I was made of flesh and bone...that's powerful thing to say. We've broken the seal of the analogy, the imagery and exposed our raw se

Wow this should be made into a song!! The rhythm plays so well in my head and the imagery of a beautiful being carved into a candle is so vivid. The two line before the last two I feel can depict more sadness somehow instead of say maybe whispered? I don’t know but you have a beautiful  lyrical way of writing and I’d love to see it be more heartbreaking at the the end. :)

Brilliant poem. You managed to capture the love and lust through such an inanimate object as a candle. Yet the physicality still comes through, as I am picturing both a burning wax model and the burning love of a quick fling that fades. The ending as well has me thinking about how the model wishes the love was more lasting, even though it is just a candle. So it can't have the love without being burnt out. I also thought of Madame Tussauds, the London wax museum, but didn't know if that was perhaps an inspiration for this piece?

Oh wow this is really good, I sell candles so the imagery works really well for me.  I'm going to think of this poem everytime I burn a candle now. Keep up doing great work.

I very much enjoyed it. Very evocative. Sadly it reminded me of marriage. Even sadder it just not made me think of  that movie where Madonna dripped hot wax on Willem Dafoe and I'm not sure I can forgive you for that now. Bit seriously. Awesome poem and I look forward to reading more of your work.

Your writing style is like a lullaby in the sense it’s so soft and, almost makes me feel like a baby in a cot again, as much as I admit I’m a sucker for a fancy word or two, I think your description lies in simplicity and the space between each line. Bravo

Wow! I just joined this subreddit and yours was the first poem I read and it did not disappoint. I'm new to the poetry world so I will do my best in giving constructive feedback...The verbiage in this poem is powerful and allows the reader to clearly depict an image in their mind of what is going on. One thing I want to make mention of is the "I'll drown and almost wish" line. I'm assuming you were trying to draw a comparison through contrasting elements (fire and water) with this line but felt it would've been stronger had you stuck with the fire and burning analogies. Something along the lines of "I'll burn to ash" or "I'll fade to black" to connect to the first line in the final stanza.

hey, yes the last lines were a nod to the phrase said by kurt (originally from a Niel Young song). i thought they were appropriate for the "life" of a candle - the candle knows by being lit, they will eventually melt/burn out, but they want to feel the heat of a flame, and would rather experience fleeting passion than none at all. i get if it feels a bit confused though, i think i'll keep it but i did have the same thoughts myself about the last stanza.

As someone who also loves the Smashing Pumpkins I just wanted to say cool username. Also wondering if the last two lines were a nod to Kurt


As far as the poem goes I love the passion in the language and imagery. It's also rare to see a poem that has the word 'babe' and isn't garbage haha. I like the rhyming and the flow, it's got a very lyrical quality. The last stanza is kind of abrupt though, and to me it feels a bit out of place or at odds with the rest of the poem for some reason. 

Good work!

Dang this is beautiful! I can only ask where did you get the inspiration to write this piece? There are so many ideas and images that all build to make a comprehensive poem and light a match in my heart and set my eyes ablaze. I think my favorite parts of the poem were the line "The flame shall flood the room" and "it's better to burn out/than it is to fade away" as well as the lines "I'll drown and almost wish I was made of flesh and bone." I like the idea of wax, as it brings in mind the color of marble sculptures, but it is much more pliable and temporary. The transition from "won't you set my soul on fire?" to the what I can only describe as burning confidence of "The flame shall flood the room" and the use of statements instead of questions turned up the heat for me when I read the poem. It was like standing on a giant stove and someone turned the gas burner from 1 to 10. And the poem burns fast, as the candle is consumed in a mere matter of lines ("while I drip beneath its heat./

This is so so good. The picture you painted and the diction you chose, it's like being trapped in your favorite love song

This poem is so lush and has such a velvety texture. The rhythm and rhyme are on point. But goodness! I never knew a candle can be so sultry. The whole poem feels like a beguiling invitation of a femme fatale. Gorgeous!

Wow. That's such a pleasure to read this. Wow.

3 silvers (and counting)!  The oc has spoken and this post is worthy!  (I knew it ;)  I like how there is a hint of regret at the end, but the narrator turns that thought around into something positive.  Your rhyme and meter are on point as always.  My favorite line here is "almost wish/ I was made of flesh and bone" - there is a universal feeling here, when we are down or hurting we often wish we could be different, if we were this could have been avoided.  But we all have our weakness, everyone finds themself in a puddle from time to time, though the catalyst for each of us is different.  The best thing we can do is accept our faults for what they are, cry when we need to cry, recognize them for what they are, and then go on with the most positive outlook we can at the time.  Thanks for sharing Siam!

Wow, I’m in absolute awe of your ability to create such imagery with such minimal text.

> I'll drown and almost wish/I was made of flesh and bone.

This line especially!!  The minimalism in the poem conveys so much. I like to imagine it as the love story between Eros and Psyche- one that ended in tragedy. The final stanza of the poem is insanely good and creates such dramatic imagery, please keep writing!

lovely as usual. rhythm and rhyme here are awesome and carry the reader through the poem effortlessly. interesting that the first and third lines of each stanza are the short ones—usually the second and fourth lines are short. this isn’t really of any consequence, but just something i wanted to note. you also start the second and fourth lines with stressed syllables—i think this helps throw the rhythm forward without being too monotonous. it’s a nice little jump/spike in the rhythm, and it’s constant throughout the poem so it’s not jarring. conceptually, i think this poem is super cool. a message i get from the poem that’s understated (which is good imo, you don’t spell it out for the reader) is that it’s the candle’s own heat that’s burning and melting it. aka self-destructive love.

&amp;#x200B;

My body’s made of wax -

carved for someone to admire,

and babe, you hold the match -

won’t you set my soul on fire?

&amp;#x200B;

The flame shall flood the room

while I drip beneath its heat.

You’ll watch the droplets roll

down my figure, to your feet.

&amp;#x200B;

Then once my wick’s consumed

and our blazing love has blown,

I’ll drown and almost wish

I was made of flesh and bone.

&amp;#x200B;

But in a blackened room,

I’ll remember what they say -

it’s better to burn out

than it is to fade away.

&amp;#x200B;

\~

&amp;#x200B;

Feedback:

[https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/sa7g3b/adhd/htrseng/?context=3](https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/sa7g3b/adhd/htrseng/?context=3)

[https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/s8c7v3/shes\_fat\_but\_she\_wants\_me/htgqprw/?context=3](https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/s8c7v3/shes_fat_but_she_wants_me/htgqprw/?context=3)

Candle