Source
r/asktransgender•
studentofsmith

Dating Profile Suggestions

I'm a cishet guy and I'm open to dating trans women. I'd like to find a way to communicate that on a dating profile without outright saying, "I'm open to dating trans women."

Saying something like that feels a lot like saying, "I'm open to dating black women." as if trans women are somehow less than cis women and I'd be doing them a favor by dating them.

At the same time I know trans women face a lot of discrimination when it comes to dating so I'm looking for some way to signal that I'm a safe guy to approach.

Edit: It looks like identifying myself as an LGBT+ ally is a good way to indicate openness to trans relationships. It might also scare away bigots. Thank you to everyone who responded.

Posted Jan 25, 2022, 7:56 AM UTC · edited

410
hazelnutdarkroastF2N cyborg lesbian (they)•

Putting something like “trans women are women” or similar comment is likely to indicate this. But honestly, trans people, and trans women especially, are going to be wary of cis people — not only for fear of hostility but also fetishization. The best thing you can do is build relationships of trust with the trans women you do match with and see if you have chemistry in the process.

4
shiny_metal•

Put "LGBT+ ally" on the profile or something like that? Lots of dating apps have that as one of the little options you can put at the top of your profile, you wouldn't even necessarily have to spell it out. I'm a trans guy, but if I saw something like that on a straight woman's profile it would make me think I have more of a shot.

4
Magenta_Wasteland•

Just...idk the best way to put it is don't 'look' for us. I just want to be treated like any other girl, I won't hide my myself but I don't want to be sought out for it. If it does happen that you match with someone who is trans, just being open and approachable goes a long way in itself. Let them be open with you about it when they want to be.

2
studentofsmithOP•

I'm not 'looking' for trans women any more than I'm 'looking' for cis women. I just don't have a preference.

What I am trying to do is alleviate some of the anxiety a trans woman might feel if she sees my profile and decides to make the first move. Making the first move is always a risk, getting rejected sucks, but if she knows that at the very least she won't be rejected for being trans it might make sending that first message a little less daunting.

6
Magenta_Wasteland•

Understandable, just marking your profile appropriately can help then. It's appreciated that you're willing to be so open but honestly in that scenario the ball is in their court to make the play with. Being rejected does suck and making the first move is hard but it's all part of the dance.

Personally like I said it would make me feel a little off if it just bluntly said "open to transgender relationships " on someones profile, but others may not feel that way, I think it'll come down to how you Personally treat them if they do make the first play on you.

2
Best-Isopod9939•

Open to dating women(cis and trans)

Some apps have settings which will allow you to select genders you are interested in , I'd select women and if it allows you to specify: cis and trans women.

2
newacc0101•

Don’t put anything specifically referring to trans women, just say you’re lgbt ally or whatever

2
A-passing-thot•

As others said, putting "ally" in your profile is a good bet, but honestly if you just swipe/match with trans women, just be your normal self. Be enthusiastic and interested. If she brings up that she's trans, you can say "thanks for sharing, trans women are women, so that doesn't bother me at all, but I appreciate the gesture that you trusted me enough to share that."

2
studentofsmithOP•

For sure. I get that how and when (and if) to tell someone you're trans is something people wrestle with.

It's like if someone comes out to you as gay. Your instinctive reaction might be, "Dude, I don't care." but if they're making a point of coming out it's clearly a big deal to them so it's important to respond appropriately.

1
A-passing-thot•

Yep, I always struggle with that myself if the person isn't someone I'm close with. Though, nowadays, when people I'm not close with come out to me, they're usually doing it in a casual way and aren't expecting much more than "okay" or whatever reaction the conversation merits.

2