It makes sense after the clarification. I like the meaning. Definitely hard to pick up on that one though without any help. i like it though nice poem.

Thanks for your comments. I really appreciate it. On the box/boxes confusion – I was going for, "We are all bones and brains in battered boxes, like my father's ashes lost at sea."

If it isn't coming through as it should, I wonder how I can do that without making the first line singular. The second line is meant to be a literal example of a figurative idea.

I like the simplicity of this poem, but there is depth to it too. The alliteration really works in both verses and I like the rhyme in the second.

Maybe the metaphor of being rudderless is well-used but the way you talk aboit it keeps it fresh. One thing is bothering me though, that your father's ashes were kept in more than one box: this is bugging me more than it should, unless there is  a deeper meaning that has gone over my head.

I agree , sometimes dark is home and there is a lot of room to explore in the love of its warm darkness .

Thank you. I really appreciate it. I'm stuck in this pensive, existential phase, and I'm trying to lighten up. But dark is more fun to write.

Short but an abyss of depth ….. worth reading a few times to savor the value …. Great piece !

Really interested in this. It feels like you're questioning something, I can't shake the feeling of questioning. The alliteration of the first line is great, same with ending the the 3rd line with ride, the word ride gives me this very clear visual image. Really great poem!

My God. You're right. Such a simple edit, but a great one. Thank you.

Wow. Such a lot said with so few words. This is a great example of a well crafted short poem. Alot tend to feel lacking, but this packs everything it needs in and then some. 

A starless search and a rudderless ride - this is so good. I'm struggling to find anything to criticise, 
Perhaps you could just have the last line as 

Bobbing along indifferent tides

By losing 'the', we have a more comfortable feeling meter when it's read aloud. But honestly, this is great!


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Tides