Scared to show person you're dating your whole true self, then months later find out that's exactly what they want.

I have this reoccuring problem where when I'm dating someone, I am too scared and shy away from being my full on true self. I sometimes feel like maybe It's too intense, weird, crazy, out there etc. It also has to do with picking up on things they say that would cause me to feel self conscious about being my full on self. Etc.

One small example: Man: "Women wear too much makeup. Make up is a lie, men like natural beauties..."

I wear make up, and I'll continue to wear it while dating them but maybe tone it down a bit around them or feel self conscious. I love wearing makeup like black lipstick, heavy eye makeup, goth look.

Finally, I get to the point I don't feel I can really open up to the person and be my true whole self so the dating ends. The last one I faded away from talking to him as it felt he just wanted a pen pal (long distance, pretty intense otherwise) and I didn't feel comfortable fully opening up to him.

Now 6 months later, we are still friends on social media, he's posting pics of all these goth/satanic chicks, black metal, etc. (AKA - all the things I like, style I like), and it pains me since thats exactly how I love to express myself, but I toned things down or never discussed much with him due to him just being a somewhat judgemental person in general ( not only about makeup).

When I stopped talking to him, I got back to feeling unjudged and like I could fully express myself again, although I do miss him a lot I just felt better. However, I haven't posted much of myself of life lately on social media so he's not seeing this side of me. I also usually don't express that side really on facebook (the site we talked on), but in every day life I do, however it was long distance so mostly messenger, Skype, and a few video chats.

Probably some kind of trauma response from me, IDK, anyone get this way while dating, only to find out months later who/what you don't feel safe to share with that person is the exact thing they wanted and later feel regret?

Also, pretty sure the only reason we stopped talking is because I didn't feel confident enough to fully be myself. Would love to talk to someone if they've had similar experiences

Tl;dr goth/metal chick doesn't feel safe opening up to judgemental ldr bf and fades away from him so she can truly express herself without fear of his judgement, then 6 months later he is posting goth girl/black metal content on social media. Feels regret.