I f*cking hate myself, my body and my life.

Nobody will read this anyways. That's it. Im just 17 and my father was killed in an injust car crash a few months ago, my friends are almost all fake, my social life (love, friends, family) is in the shit, the relationship between my family is destroyed, my body is a mess (fat because anxiety, psoriasis all over the body, acne), low self steem, brain fog, and my mental health is in the shit. I really cant take it anymore, days pass by and every day I feel a bit more suicidal and have less strength to fight it. I feel lost and with no hope, dont know where to start its too much. Also therapy is being basically useless, or I think so, yes I'm opening about my traumas and discovering a bit more about me and how I avoid my emotions because I don't fucking want to feel sad anymore but nothing feels enough. I don't know if I have adhd, ocd or what but I have been not diagnosed and tired of my mental mess. Sorry for writing all this but I really dont know what to do anymore, I live in a shitty 3rd World country and almost all therapists are psychoanalysts, my one does cbt but I think it is being useless, and she is one of the 3 cbt therapists in 200 km around. Everything seems so dark, I don't know if I will make it, every day suicidal impulses are stronger and I feel a bit more dead inside every day. I just to be normal, have a normal healthy body, fall in love, have a family again, get good friends, and don't be in a mental mess. Instead I am in grief, hating my life, my body, my health, hating being sad, and wanting to end it all.