Bittersweet

I love this poem for the way it truly describes the feeling of losing innocence and stubborn happiness as a child. I adore the thematic metaphor of the 'strawberries and cream' that's used throughout the poem.

I do believe though that the use of rhythm could be made more structurally integral by using more symmetry in the syllables of each line written.

Despite this I enjoyed this poem a lot and went back for a second read.

I think this piece has tremendous potential. The title is very clever and I feel as though perfectly describes the emotion you're trying to capture here. I agree with some others about selecting/editing a few key words to help either the rhythm or to fully capture the emotional resonance you're going for. All in all, this is a solid foundation to what could be a very emotional piece. Keep on writing!

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I like this metaphor the propagates through the piece as a whole. The comparison of aging as it relates becoming bitter. The stanzas becoming longer too - even they are growing! So it really gives this rise to aging as a whole. I would say some of the rhymes didn't fit my personal idea but really you are losing that too as the poem goes on which probably is fit back in to this metaphor, which, if is the point - very well executed!

This rounds back to what seems to be the overall point of the poem - that whoever the narrator is addressing needs to come to terms with you having grown as the poem already has. That's a really fun concept! So well done overall!

Hi Op! I think this piece has a lot of potential. There are quite a few lines and words that are unnecessarily repetitive - one the stands out the most to me is the use of the word "cream" - everything seems to be described as cream. Try using some other imagery - what else is sweet and velvety?

You could eliminate this line completely - "And I have a mask That's starting not to last". "Mask" is generally considered to be a bit cliche (happens to the best of us) and by getting rid of that line you focus more on the stronger lines without losing substance. Look at each line and ask yourself if it is adding to your piece, or taking distracting from the stronger areas.

Thanks for sharing Op!

I am going through something similar currently. Thank you for sharing this.

Another great poem! This is amazing i love the metaphor it's so relatable and title is amazing too

The theme of deception is really interesting and complex. Loved reading it. But irl you don't really have to put on masks somepeople like bitter truth over fake sweetness. 😇