Source
r/OCPoetry•
Raizenfal

Waldo

Poem

Searching for you, I want to.

Seeking for you, I have to.

Skipping the details that aren't you.

Overseeing a moment in time, to find you.

Rushing, you aren't there.

Angering, that wasn't you.

Retracing, to find what I knew.

Panicking, hope is fading.

A freight train of pain, Washes over my brain am I insane? Why have you not popped into frame?

I've looked here, there, everywhere. I see now, this is a dare In order to see you, I must be you, Enjoying the moment in time to find you.

I found me, You left the key To set me free From how I used to be.

My reward, is moving forward. Enjoying the day Loving the here Embracing the now Thank you, for showing me how.

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/thi9lm/i_saw_a_man_today/i19ewly?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share&context=3

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/thgq8y/the_killing_jar/i19eu0n?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share&context=3

Posted Mar 19, 2022, 8:57 AM UTC

1425
Illustrious-Pound287•

Hey, I think the poem flows very well other but "angering" feels like the wrong word to use in my opinion. But I do like the last couple of lines where you described the panicking and the next part of being hit with a train of pain. I also think the part of you explaining the other person being the key to being your new self was very well written. Overall I think the poem flows well other than that one word, and is really good and the title is unique

3
RaizenfalOP•

Thank you so much for your feed back. What word would you use? I am very pleased that you enjoyed it. Thank you for letting me know your opinion, and giving constructive criticism.

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Illustrious-Pound287•

To be honest my vocabulary is not too expansive but I think maybe "enraging" could work but that depends on how you want it to turn out :))

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RaizenfalOP•

I picked that word because the emotion of rage is something that was apart of me. I tried to remember who I was in younger days. Sometimes it's easy to forget who we were when we've done what we can to change. I even tried to write it as if I was the only me. Hmm maybe I'll start a poem today and end it when I'm ready to move on from this life. "I was here, now I'm not." Haha that was easy.

2
Spider-Man-fan•

In the angering line, are you saying that the person did something that angered you but then you realized that wasn’t them? Or you thought they were angry when they actually weren’t? What is meant by the term ‘angering?’

2
RaizenfalOP•

So "angering" is the emotion I felt when I didn't get the result I wanted after putting in the work to get it. Like a child getting upset when it's bed time, or having to clean when they do not want to. I was a very angry person who let rage be the dominant emotion I expressed. So when I was trying to find Waldo I'd get mad, because I couldn't find him.

2
Spider-Man-fan•

Ah, that makes sense now. Guess I just haven’t use the term ‘angering’ much before. I know it is a word, though, since ‘anger’ is a verb in addition to a noun.

2
Spider-Man-fan•

I love the Waldo metaphor, both because it matches the message you’re trying to convey, and because I loved those books growing up.

I like how the rhythm changes after the “Panicking” line. I imagine there is a term for this sort of effect, but I am not knowledgeable in the technical terminology of poetry. I have heard of the term, “bridge,” for music and I guess it kind of reminds me of that.

Speaking of music, the poem sounds like they would be lyrics to a song. I’m not imagining any sort of melody, but I think they would be great lyrics to make a song out of. In fact, while I’m reading it, I imagine a music video. I imagine someone searching for someone they are in love with. Maybe they got in a fight and the person left them and they want to get them back. They’re frantically searching the city streets, wondering where they could have gone. Now, traditionally, by the end of the video, they would find them and they make up and get back together. But your poem doesn’t end that way. Rather, this journey to find the other person leads them on a great adventure where they try different things, which leads them to actually discovering themselves. This kind of reminds me of the movie, The Secret Life of Walter Mitty. Of course, he’s not searching for a loved on, but rather a great photographer that he admires. But I vividly recall some of the things he tries and the new places he sees.

Anyway, this a a great poem, with a nice, steady rhythm, and it was able to capture my attention wholeheartedly.

2
RaizenfalOP•

Holy smokes! This is beautiful! Thank you for taking the time to express your thoughts that you had while reading this. I want to make music again. I have been practicing my singing and playing.

Honestly when I wrote the poem I was sitting with a tree I names Waldo. Haha sitting there thinking about how I would have never seen this tree if I hadn't have made the choices in my life to get me where it was. For me it was my years, and cities I had to get through to see this tree. It's Beautiful tree, and to think I would have never seen it if I didn't try something new, if I didn't open myself up, if I didn't love the way I wanted to be loved.

I used to be a person full of rage/hate. I still feel these things, but I feel them less and other emotions more. It had taken time to undo the damage I've been through. I'm still working on myself everyday, but it's worth it. Thank you again! :D you are appreciated.

2
Spider-Man-fan•

Ah, so I was correct in thinking there must be some musical influence in the poem.

I imagine you named the tree after the fictional character, right?

And it’s interesting that the tree inspired you to write this poem. Here I was thinking it was about some person. Of course, that can be anybody’s takeaway, if that’s how they connect.

2
RaizenfalOP•

Yeah! I believe all poems can become songs if the creator wants it to be. 😊

Yes it's funny how my brain just said "yo, remember that book you used to like? Its writing time!"

The deepest meaning behind it, is my past self trying to find my highest self, and I'm just here in this moment in the middle learning how to become my future self. I wanted to grow as a person, and I've been doing that. I've learned to sit and enjoy the moment, the way it sounds, taste, smells, ect. In the books so much is going on, it's a lot to take in, but when you slow down and enjoy the details you'll eventually find him.

1
VorteX-Clan-YT•

I loved your use of rhyme in the latter half of the poem!

2
RaizenfalOP•

Thank you! I appreciate your feed back. 💙❤

1
gameryamen•

This is a really clever poem! Anyone who has looked for Waldo knows these feelings, but so to does anyone who has a hole where a loved one used to be. The lesson you pull away with at the end is powerful, too. It is often the case that the comfortable path forward involves choosing to stop looking back. Thanks for sharing!

2
RaizenfalOP•

You're very welcome. Thank you for taking the time to express your opinion, and what you took from this. I am glad I am not the only one who shares the narrative of the poem.

2
The_Writers_Projexx•

Awesome flow bro I dig it!!! What made you want to get into writing dude out of curiosity??

2
RaizenfalOP•

Thank you! I'm glad you enjoyed it! Thanks for letting me know! I cannot draw the way I imagine an imagine in my head, video comes close, writing music is good too, but writing poems are a different feeling that I cannot truly describe. I like poems, many song lyrics I find have been amazing poems that come to life.

I started writing in 9th grade, and stopped after 10th. I truly feel my writing could use some work, but that just makes it more fun. Thank you for your feed back.

2
The_Writers_Projexx•

Aye bro you’re doing an amazing job at it and trust you’ll only keep on improving 💪

2
RaizenfalOP•

Honestly thank you very much for those kind and supportive words. 💙❤

2
Sh8rkie•

Love the shift in tone from the beginning of the poem to the end. Well done!

2
RaizenfalOP•

Thank you! I thought the change of the flow would help show the change in myself. I am very happy you enjoyed my work. Thanks for the feed back!

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