A Sonnet about unrequited love

Poem

Unrequited love is like a winter’s day

The blanketing snow rests complacent

Tranquilly it shines and calls us out to play

Green weeds refuse to die and poke up adjacent

​

Two loving hearts ensconced in separate homes

Stealing glimpses through linen curtained windows

How does a disappointed heart still find time to roam

For the years I felt alone I wish it hadn’t been so

​

To be near to you was all that I would pray

For I detest the cold; the crunching snow beneath

When the sun beats down and lifts the white carpet away

I will come running and with respectable chagrin plant myself at your feet

​

And in the morning when you leave for work

You’ll see the little plant and know that my love is a friendly perk

​

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/thopfk/a_rose_by_any_other_name/

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/thsxcu/day_i_knew_first_poem_i_wrote_about_my_gf/

Posted Mar 19, 2022, 1:29 PM UTC

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1
naive2agunfight•

Hey, thanks for sharing this poem. I think it is good, especially if you are new to writing, to pick an poem topic such as unrequited love. Something that is one of the most profoundly difficult and bittersweet things we can go through, and also a subject which has been written about for time immemorial (to get ideas for how to push the genre further). I liked how you used metaphor (the blanketing of snow, a winter's day) and stuck to that one metaphor throughout. I think that can be very effective, and helps the poem cohere. One thing I felt was that some of your rhymes felt forced- by that I mean, it felt like you changed how someone or yourself would normally express a thought in order for it to end on the rhyming word. You might try experimenting with unrhyming poems, or poems that blend rhyming with unrhyming passages, to see if that helps with adding rhymes only when they don't take away from the overall flow of the poem. Good job and thank you!

1