Itch

Poem

Today I misspelled sacred as scared
and it made my stomach feel like a raw tooth socket, possibly infected,
oozing something yellow and achy.
The true-or-false prophets
of the internet would tell me I’m dying
and I would believe them.

I live with an un-swallowed pill
stored below my tongue. In it
there is scribble and ink
and every word I’ve ever been afraid of.

Please God, or WebMD, whichever oracle
has the shorter waitlist,
tell me which herbs to crush and gulp down,
which syrups will sop up this fever.
Tell me the pirates grow frightened
of their gold, tell me they stare
at themselves in the eye of the emerald
and wonder about scarcity.

Teach me how to unravel
this itch to drain my pen of afterthoughts.
Teach me how to keep words
inside my head without wanting
to weave them
into chainmail.

(https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/tjdvtz/the_river_flowed_without_flaw/i1jlhk0/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf&context=3

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/tjbr7d/youre_responsible/i1jl6aa/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf&context=3)

Posted Mar 21, 2022, 4:08 PM UTC · edited

75
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1
Kevincol10•

I like it, but in my opinion I think your thought are all over the place, pace your self a little and concentrate in on subject, having so many makes it difficult to keep on track. Thank for sharing.

1
RedTheTimid•

I'm getting a sense of fear of vulnerability and a desire to dispell it through poetry. I like "I live with an unswallowed pill stored below my tongue." It's a much more arresting line than the opener. I like the sacred/scared part, but the jump into "raw tooth socket" imagery seems too sudden for me and lacks context.

I like the irony of "internet prophets" and WebMD as oracle, suggesting perhaps that people seek the internet to cure whatever ails them, physical or otherwise. There's a connection here with "sacredness" but it's just not quite coming together for me.

The third stanza seems overladen with metaphor—I don't understand where the pirates and their gold fit in, and its incongruent with the rest of the language, which focuses on the body, illness, and medicine.

We return to the pill/scribbles/thoughts in stanza four. I like this thematic thread best in the poem, that of having words bundled up and festering inside the head. Some puzzling language: how can an "itch" be "unraveled"? "Drain my pen" suggests writing, but it's draining of "afterthought" and, in the next line, theres talk of keeping things inside. Perhaps you're using contrast here and it's going over my head, but I'm a little lost as to what the speaker wants to "do" with the words and scribbles. Accept them? Forget them? Spill them onto the page? Face them without fear?

Definitely a ton of interesting language here. I think a bit of focus could work to tighten things up. It seems like a couple different poems mixed into one; I'd personally like to see some sharpening of the language. Either way, intriguing stuff.

1
strawberryboyo•

I really like all the metaphors in this poem, it paints a really cool picture of the sensation. My personal interpretation was that it's a kind of fear of infinity, of having access to all these words but not knowing which ones to use or if they're the right ones. I was also a little confused, because it picks up heavy right from the get-go:

Today I misspelled sacred as scared and it made my stomach feel like a raw tooth socket

I'd love more context or some pacing before the hit, because it's such an intense feeling of pain but I'm not sure exactly what triggers it. Very strong, powerful writing.

1

I love the idea behind the poem, but there was just something that made the flow a bit choppy. MAybe it was because the poem was a bit all over the place. It felt like I was jumping from here to there, and it felt a bit awkward. IDK tho. Still, lovely metaphors used. I could feel the emotions in the poem.The poem is powerful of course, and hits right in the feels.

1