about me and being aro

recently ive been questioning if i feel a little romantic attraction or none at all, and im just sitting here thinking about all the times ive had a "crush" and its fr crazy because every single person ive dated or "liked" i never even had a crush on them. i just thought i had to date someone to fit it, because everyone else always had crushes, and i was left out cause I didn't feel that way about anyone. i would force myself to like people that were attractive and not people i was attracted to.

and on top of this, im always reading ab romance, watching romance, and sometimes thinking about different scenarios with it. i always looked at media with romance when i was younger, so i just assumed that's what i wanted. so i always was into having a partner and not being alone, but as i grew up i realized that it was ok when it was just in my head, but if it actually happened to me i would run a mfing mile and throw up💀. its rlly hitting me that after all this time i only liked the idea of romance, and not the actual action of it.

but another part of me is also just saying to ignore this. because like i said before ive been thinking about loving someone, then dating and getting married then buying a house together and having kids for a long time. for me its so so hard to accept that because its been something i was set on my whole life., and even my family was set on it. im not planning on telling them im aro right now, but whats gonna happen when im older and they're confused as to why im not dating anyone yet? its like everything ive had planned before for romance in my life is basically just gone. its easy to say im aromantic, but actually saying i dont feel any attraction is so hard.