I read it up until Earl slapped her. I thought it was sort of boring. I didn’t like how it was jumping back and forth in time between the backstory and the current story. 

This line stuck out to be as too flowery 

> As the cultist’s lair approached, so too did their reckoning; an infernal tempest pledging solace to the blameless.

I didn’t like how the protagonist was an abnormally large silver-haired person. Silver-hair for your powerful protagonist is an overdone cliche. 

And I felt like Earl the captor was too cartoonishly one-dimensional. He was basically all like “oy ‘ello there, I’m a total rapist, and I like torture”.

There are also a lot of confusing fantasy pronouns thrown around. 

And so far, the protagonist hasn’t displayed any character or given any reason to like them. 

And it reminds me of the opening of Skyrim.

Prose  
  
One of the bigger gripes I had with this piece was the prose. The first few pages were a slog to get through. The prose got better as the action picked, like around the time Kondra starts breaking free from her bonds. The parts before that felt really heavy-handed with the fantasy tone.   
  
There was also a bit of a disconnect between the prose and the dialogue, which was especially noticeable to me when Pamela was speaking. The prose feels really ye olde timey fantasy to me but then we have Pamela throwing the word dad around and talking a little too modern for what I felt the prose was going for.   
  
I also felt like some of your word choices were a little confusing on first read through. One example being:  
  
“Each repetition kept her muscles limber, her mind unburdened by the rope paining her wrists and smarting the sides of her mouth. “  
  
Now I’m guessing repetition here means the repeated action of her breathing, but that’s not super obvious on first

Hey there! Thanks for sharing your work here! This was definitely an interesting read since I was trying to figure things out throughout the whole of it and I like that the main character is a female who is also badass. I just really love badass women in fantasy, especially with the whole priestess element, but I did find myself bogged down by what exactly was going on in the chapter.  
  
Structure  
  
I’ll kick things off with structure since as I mentioned before I found the chapter a little hard to follow. We start with Kondra and several others being trussed up and hauled in a wagon to a mysterious place. From what I could gather they were being brought to the hideout of a cult and were intended as sacrifices?  
  
Then we have Kondra finally reveal her true nature and free herself from her chains with ease only to fight her captors. She seems to win fairly easily, as it’s shown that she has some supernatural abilities. Then we have Kondra meeting a character she’s seemingl

> Also, considering the larger man's casual use of names in dialogue, I   
thought that was justification enough for Kondra to know Wendy's name as  
 well. Implying that she overheard it off-page. Am I mistaken there too?

It's perfect textual justification, just be sure to justify it *in Kondra's perspective.* "Said the larger" makes me start wondering who "the larger" is so the relevant fact: that Kondra has overheard the names of her captors, is not absorbed.

>The character and her observations have a healthy dose of POV bias, but I could see how that comes across as omniscient narration.

It certainly does, it certainly does. I think I need to read your current draft to respond in full. Expect an edit.

Thanks for the feedback. Not many complaints about my overall descriptions so far, just a lot of confusion about the stage around the immediate characters and their positions. I'll work on that, and continue clearing up some of my habitual filler words.As for Wendy and Earl's names, I do have Kondra overhear Earl's name just before her prose uses it the first time.

>“Go make yourself useful, Earl,” said the larger. “Go have a peek at her, make sure she can’t move.”  
>  
>Grunting, Earl moved to push his lips against her ear.....

I thought it natural she would incorporate it into her prose upon hearing it, but maybe that's wrong or unclear? Also, considering the larger man's casual use of names in dialogue, I thought that was justification enough for Kondra to know Wendy's name as well. Implying that she overheard it off-page. Am I mistaken there too?  


Lastly - probably most important - yours is the second comment where an omniscient narrator has been mentioned. That's definitely 

I left feedback on specific lines in the google doc so here I'll stick to broad strokes.

Reading this I had a difficult time keeping track of the different characters. Where are they standing? What are they doing? Who are they?

You gave several of them names which is fine, but I don't see a good textual justification for why Kondra should even know Wendy or Earls names. Perhaps they are from the same village or have some other pre-existing relationship? It is unclear. I might be inclined to call my captors by something other than their first names even if I did know them, but if you do want to use first names then maybe they should be introduced in dialogue (i.e. "Hey earl" Kondra heard the driver shout from >!(outside?? see I don't even know where she's supposed to be tied up. is there an inside? is it a covered wagon? so many questions)!< "go do herbaceous hanky panky with that anime girl we've got tied up"). I think you already have a line like this by "the larger" (whoever the he

Hi there.

Thanks for submitting, I'll begin by listing your story's pros and cons.

Pros:

* Intriguing Opening Line
* Good Use of Showing
* Vivid Description

Cons:

* Unclear writing
* Confusing dialogue mechanics
* Uninteresting character

Let's start with the pros.

# Intriguing Opening Line:

I thought your opening sentence pulled me in. You've given us the setting (snow and event), who Kondra might be (why is she an executioner/or being executed the 3rd time?), and a topic related to death (a guarantee to get the audience's attention). Most of these are elements of what makes an enticing first line, especially when you mention death.

# Good Use of Showing:

Already on the first two pages, you've implied to us that Kondra is a warrior with magical powers (related to fire). She is also devoted to some cause, which you've hinted by mentioning the pledges.

Perhaps my favorite example is this line:

>Twenty-nine days passed,  spent fishing in holes, chopping firewood, and subtly **

Hi!
I can see you put some work into it. First of all, I usually don't read this kind of books. I'm not a fan of assassin's, death and revenges BUT you still captured my attention with this chapter. 
Of course, I was a little bit confused since I didn't know what it's all about. But the text still gained my interest. 
I like the way you describes your world and how the action flows. I also liked the plot twist that began to be expected at some point :))) 
I'm a big fan of strong women that beat stupid bastards, so the fight scene was quite enjoyable though grim in it's essence. I think that this chapter is a quite good start if you have a synopsis too.
What I find it a little annoying was the dialogue at the end of the story. It might me just me but it got me confused. I understood almost nothing. In rest, everything was fine. I didn't catch any major problem
 Keep going with it! You're on the right path.

Chapter One of a series of would-be novellas that take place within the same world space.

I rarely ask for feedback online so I'm not entirely sure what to ask. I want to improve, you people are brutal, seems like a perfect match. Rip and tear.

P.S. I should probably note that the MC's opinions on punishment do not reflect my own, systemic or otherwise.

My chapter: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1ISGxJY2Jko3hwuukdgC7SBKZKO782rrlf_a_YO_-UAw/edit?usp=sharing

My critiques: 

[1325] https://www.reddit.com/r/DestructiveReaders/comments/tjpqs8/1471_habitat_part_1_the_council/

[1054]
https://www.reddit.com/r/DestructiveReaders/comments/tppvj6/2681_noose_around_a_rose_chapter_7/i2g0tst/?context=3

[2211] Chapter One, A Wolf In Sheep's Furs