The story does a good job of portraying the burglar as an envious sociopath. It really makes you hope for him to fail, and hints that he is about to on several occasions, making it more gutting as he gradually finds her house and gets away with the robbery. The short sentences really emphasise their slow, methodical way of thinking.

It doesn’t feel like the robber would use the adverb “Quickly” to describe themselves, especially not twice, since they never describe their actions with another adverb.

The word choices can be odd sometimes, and words like naïve and sloppy don’t really need reputation since we already know that the burglar feels that way about the girl. Occasionally the wrong tense is used as well.

Sentence structure can also be a little off. Its particularly noticeable in “I know you’re working from 10 am and your roommate, who is also your colleague, is working from 11 am.” It doesn’t make sense that the burglar would interrupt his own chain of thought to specify that

**GENERAL REMARKS**

Overall, I really enjoyed this. I got a strong sense of the narrator from voice alone. I, personally, was rooting for the narrator. Not because I have anything against the naïve girl (more on her later) or because they seem sympathetic in any way, but rather I got the feeling that the narrator was methodical, intelligent, the kind of villain you know is psychotic, but they’re so confident and calm in their actions and plotting that you want them to succeed. 

**MECHANICS**

I’m torn on the title. “Don’t turn around” sounds like a thriller/horror title, but your story is slow, methodical, internal, so it feels like a mismatch, but I understand it’s the narrator’s thoughts in the middle of the story where they are stalking her back to her place. It’s the idea that there is zero need for them to be stalking her here, that they are doing it simply because they can, and that is very very creepy, but I still wonder if there might be something that better represents what 

Hi there! Thanks for the post :)

This piece works quite well if your goal is to make the burglar a typical shifty and crafty type. He's planned everything about this robbery out, making sure to only scope out this woman's neighborhood when she's at work—easy to do when her schedule (and her team's) is clearly posted on a bulletin board). He knows the area and how to get to this cul-de-sac specifically. None of it feels out of place, and I quite like that you don't go into long, overdone descriptions of things and focus squarely on the happenings inside this man's head. It keeps the attention on the character, and kept me engaged up until the break-in happens. 

I don't particularly see the importance of specifying that the day of this robbery is a Tuesday, but what is important for characterization is that it occurred a decade ago this month. Now you've got my attention! Why did this burglar target this woman to begin with? Did something happen between the—oh, are they related?? Are t

I made line-by-line comments in your Google doc, but here's some overall feedback.

There's possibility in your premise, but it's underdeveloped. In a story like this, you have a chance to portray two characters: the perpetrator and the victim. Both need more detail.

A criminal's mind is a naturally interesting topic. Curious readers will be wondering: Why do they do what they do? What makes them tick? You hint at an interesting psychology at work, where it's not about the money, it's about violating someone the robber sees as lesser. Maybe teaching her a lesson. But why? He scorns naivete, but what worldview underlies that? 

I wouldn't skimp on developing the victim character as much as possible. You don't have a lot to work with, but her living space and belongings could provide some clues. With such a limited aperture on her life, every detail counts, so I'd put a lot of thought into revealing who she is through her job, clothes, gestures, expressions, etc.

Because we're inside t

Hi everyone,

Based on a true story, told from the fucking burglar's point of view. 

STORY 

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1yMMewALDmztP3KjOOesI24_1jj3qh_Xq2z6G0qFYYYs/edit

CRITIQUE

https://old.reddit.com/r/DestructiveReaders/comments/tza4v1/1605_how_you_remember/i40hxzk/

Thanks in advance :(

[636] Don't Turn Around