This is dark and deep. I would change the line breaks at the beginning. It would read better to me if you said, "pudgy ghost / haunting the bathroom mirror / your father's thumb imprint / smudges your head." This places the verbs in alignment.

Well done on a well-written poem - even as someone who is not personally interested in dysmorphia, you still made the subject relatable with the first long stanza. 

Your poem is pure imagery but it is not an onslaught of imagery - you temper it, you mete it out well, with discipline and restraint. 

>obscure your steam blotched,

this line stuck out to me for revision. I love the word "blotched" and I think it's the star of this line, but it's almost muscled out by "steam" and "obscure;" I'm wondering if you could rework this line.

&#x200B;

the first lines and last lines of your stanzas are incredibly powerful with one exception - the last line of stanza 2 : "with indifference." I believe there is a better and stronger word available here that could replace "with." If I were writing this poem (and I realize I'm not), I would replace "with" with some kind of onomatopoeia, a cry, "Ah," "Ugh," "Fuck," even. I think it would go so well with the previous lines " steadily dig into / my gl

Amazing. I recently heard advice that goes, "Watch the way you talk to yourself. Speak to yourself as if you would speak to a close friend or loved one." Because positive reinforcement leads to heightened self-esteem and better mental health. But this poem makes me wonder, is it important to be critically harsh of yourself sometimes? The speaker is struggling with obesity, the leading cause of death in many countries. So then maybe there is no time for pleasantries and sugar coated suggestions. Then again, I look at the title and wonder if the speaker's description of himself is accurate at all? Perhaps the dysmorphia is altering his perception of his true figure? I also like the pacing. The short, rigid lines reflect the speaker's distressed mindset. Really enjoyed it, bw!

I really like the way this portrays the experience of dysmorphia as being separated/detached from yourself. The imagery this evokes is not only very clear but in my experience very accurate. This is a really good job at putting a feeling/experience that is very difficult to describe into words.


Hello readers, welcome to OCpoetry. This subreddit is a writing workshop community -- a place where poets of all skill levels can share, enjoy, and talk about each other's poetry. Every person who's shared, including the OP above, has given some feedback (those are the links in the post) and hopes to receive some in return (from you, the readers).

If you really enjoyed this poem and just want to drop a quick comment, to show some appreciation or give kudos, things like "great job!" or "made me cry", or "loved it" or "so relateable", please do. Everyone loves a compliment. Thanks for taking the time to read and enjoy.

If you want to share your own poem, you'll need to give this writer some detailed feedback. Good feedback explains from your point of view what it was like to read the poem, and then tries to explain how the poem made you feel like that. If you're not sure what that means, check out our [feedback guide](https://new.reddit.com/r/ocpoetry/wiki/feedbackcritiques), or look 

Very well done, I like your take on it and good use of the word specter

Great job when it comes to showing the image of a pudgy nature and a sort of monster/creature as the concept of dysmorphia. Another thing to add on to that idea is how you connect this creature to stretch marks on the stomach, showing the mentality that ones might have when seeing physical changes to the body and viewing them as monstrous beings.

I'm sorry I don't have a critique I just want to say this is a very striking and amazing poem. It's so evocative and the imagery is so vivid!

pudgy ghost haunting 

the bathroom mirror

your father's thumb imprint

smudges your head. 

your chubby cheeks 

ripple in the cadence

of a stone skipping water.

the hard lines of your shoulders 

obscure your steam blotched, 

pink fleshed,

burly chest. 

your six foot

man baby frame stalks,

idles, watches like

a porcelain pervert,

a mannequin, 

a silicon figure,

a glazed over fool.

&amp;#x200B;

damn specter 

your sugar coated

out of focus

plastic pupils 

steadily dig into 

my glass heart

with indifference.

&amp;#x200B;

damned reaper 

wallowing in the shadow of my step, 

pitiful, loathed creature

veiny armed beast

ingrained in the stretch scars 

of my belly- 

count your idle footprints

I will be rid of you

soon enough.

&amp;#x200B;

[1](https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/u0kfve/comment/i47sa5u/?utm_source=share&amp;utm_medium=web2x&amp;context=3)

[2](https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/u0rmwb/comment/i47tzzk/?utm_source=share&amp;utm_medium=web2x&amp;context=3)

Dysmorphia