Tips for coping/surviving when stuck in a bad relationship

There is tons of advice on when to break up, how to break up, and coping after a breakup but there's little to no advice for that limbo period when you can't just up and leave right away.

you don't have to read my story to give good general advice but here it is.

It's extremely stressful to be me right now, I can't leave my relationship because I have nowhere to go yet and no income yet ( all of this is in the works, and im not just saying that). I can't talk about my feelings with my partner because it could put me in serious jeopardy he tends to respond to any sort of criticism about the relationship by telling me to leave which I can't do. (Every time he does this is a cycle where he apologizes and begs me to stay afterward, and nothing is resolved anyway). I'm working on making my exit, but in the meantime, I have to keep the peace with him and I have to deal with the huge weight of this guilt I feel knowing that in the near future I'm going to cut things off with this person and for now, I'm kinda using him (and his mother) for my survival. I try to make up for this by providing for the household in the ways I can and helping make things better for him ( and his mom who we live with ). Lots of cleaning, organizing, fixing things around the house, got all the pets his and mine up to date with vet care, giving money when I can for bills, doing his taxes, and gardening. It helps me deal with my guilty conscience a little bit to give back to the household.

I don't have a definitive end date, I'm having a hard time making an exit plan and sticking to it, I have to act like everything is normal even though it's not and it's so hard keeping up with that act, I panic he's gonna find something on my phone or computer one day about my plans. Sometimes I kinda start to like him again and get super sad at the thought of leaving and then canceling all my plans (honestly have been feeling like leaving him on and off for over 2 years). He's already a paranoid guy and has asked to go through my stuff before and reads into things I say. He makes wild accusations without evidence, so if he even had the smallest lead Id be in for a hell of a time.

I know I'm no prize either, I have my own faults too, it is just not worth mentioning for this specific post. I care for him and I'm gonna miss him deeply, we had many good memories and moments but this relationship isn't good for either of us. It has to end sometime, just don't know when or what I'm going to do until then.

I really hate the physical manifestations of these sad and guilty feelings, I feel a literal weight in my chest I wish I could go inside my chest cavity and massage my heart for relief from the sensation.

I hate how not only is he my boyfriend he's my only friend. I can't turn to family for support or they'll likely start sending relatives over to the house to come to get me or some other chaotic overreaction. Having some real friends would be a huge help in so many ways. Trying to rent a room from a stranger sucks, having no one to vent to sucks, and not having a couch to stay on to get away from here sooner sucks. I wish there was such a thing as breakup coaches for slow breakups like this, someone to hold me accountable to my goals, someone to snap me out of it when I fall for him again, someone to cheer on my progress.

Not even to mention how much it sucks that I live in a country without a decent social safety net.

I already feel like the worst woman on earth you don't gotta tell me. Please be kind.