My stepdad's death is tearing my Mom and I apart.

So....little backstory. My Mom has never really cared for me. I lived with my grandparents until I was 5. My mom got married to a man who used to abuse me and divorced him when I was 10. I was sent back to live with grandparents while she "sorted herself out". Had a few boyfriends and lived on her own. Til she finally got married again to a man who was good to her but really wanted nothing to do with me. But my Mom forced us all to live together for 2 very terrible years until I moved back in with my Grandma.

When my Grandma died no one helped me. I was forced to plan her funeral, sort out her stuff and take care of myself all on my own. Which I did a pretty good job at. I spoke to my mom and over the next 20 or so years, we had a civil relationship but also kept very seperate lives.

Until my Mom came down with Cancer and I lost my job due to COVID. I moved in with them to help take care of my Mom. It was good, and her cancer went into remission after about 6 months. At which time my Mom told me that I was expected to do more to help them or start paying them to live in their house. I took that as my sign to leave. Which I did.

Back at Christmas time, my stepdad started going downhill after a few nasty falls. I spent 5 days every week for 3 months helping them out. (I had a weekend job I had to drive back to. And they live 2 hours drive away.) Cleaning and cooking for them all the time, doing all their errands, and basically anything else they needed me to do.

When we figured out he didn't have much time left, my Mom decided he was to die at home. I had a talk with my Mom before highlighting what problems we might have taking care of a dying man. I asked her what her plan was for different scenarios for his care that I didn't think we had the ability to do. Carrying him and helping the bathroom was a big one...and I told her I didn't feel comfortable doing a lot of thinks to which she didn't really have an answer for. And when those things came up she expected me to do them for her.

Eventually all the taking for granted, and the stress of the situation finally got to me. Not to mention my mom did very little and in his final days, and he went through undue suffering because she didn't take care of him. I left before he died and told my mom I loved her, but this was too much.

He passed away a few days later. Maybe of starvation or not going to the bathroom for a few days...or just all his ailments caught up with him. But with all the stress and the constant piling on of more responsibility than I am willing to bear, I left my Mom to do it on her own.

My stepdad has always taken care of my Mom and done everything for her. My Mom has done nothing with her life except take prescription painkillers and watch TV. Now my mom expects me to do the same, and in my eyes she's done nothing to deserve that. Especially since she wants me to be the one to take care of her for the rest of her days.

Now I'm torn between cutting off my only family member, or sacrificing myself to take care of a woman who couldn't ever be bothered to take care of me. And I'm broken because of it.

Sorry for the length of this.