Ghhi
Christen me!
.
Surrounded by filth,
by barbwires and ti
re-fires crisscrossi
ng the light bending
prism. Perplexed bi
gotry that rattles t
he bones. Standing d
ressers and leaky si
nks. Talked and pick
ed-off to death. Art
iculated Botulism.
.
Christen me!
.
Khrushchev calamitie
s and Andromedan hol
y-lands. Smashed the
approaching sun. Blo
w-torched labyrinths
in successful numer
ation. Cut the aspha
lt. Am I Qi?
.
Christen me!
.
Radical ridicule. Or
phaned merchandise.
Plastered murals of
dead frogs. Siniste
r scowls at Satan's
door. Palpitated war
-crimes of a radish.
Caressed silica and
war-orchids. Killed
savings guides.
.
Christen me!
.
Diners without salt.
Hemoglobin capsules
in purgatory light.
Accomplished mission
s and light led to b
e and moderato speed
s. Baseball without
bats. Manic depressi
ve vegetables on car
bohydrates. Sex with
out privacy. Sundays
without God...
.
Christen me.
.
.
Posted Apr 24, 2022, 11:26 PM UTC
very absurdist, as the title suggests, i couldnt tell if my lack of understanding was due to ignorance or absurdism at some points, like is Qi a reference to something specific or just a spontaneous interesting sounding name? overall it was tough to read, like when the words finish in the next line, it forces a stutter in my reading, completely decimating any semblance of flow, while kinda generating its own flow of stutters. at the end i felt like you were analogising paradoxical(ish) images like sex w/out privacy; baseball without bats; diners without salt etc. to Sundays without God - which implies that Sundays without God is a paradox, a sort of pro-theistic interpretation ig, this revelation coincides with a softer 'christen me.' juxtaposed with the aggressive 'christen me!' from before, as if the violence was abated due to its being rendered conscious. apart from that, a linear interpretation involving every line didnt present itself to me, i just perceived a spontaneous slideshow of absurd, interesting imagery, you seem to be interested in violent vegetables lol.
Yup. Sounds about right.
I wrote this so long ago, dunno what I was thinking nor what the thought process was. It's to the point where I almost perceive it as someone else's poem.
When I try and interpret it, there's almost a theme of war that forms....but then gets derailed several times over.
I'm going to remove the obnoxious formatting and map out the lines closer to a natural cadence.
yea i can definitely pick up on a sort of apocalyptic vibe forming throughout. it'll be interesting to see that edit side by side with this version, i kinda like the novelty of lines finishing in the next line, especially when it puts an incorrect image in your head only to remove it for the correct one - e.g.,
"vegetables on car
bohydrates"
i saw veggies on cars, but then carbohydrates, its cool if the first image is relevant in some way to what you are trying to convey/achieve, even if what your trying to convey is a chaotic stream of absurd imagery. didnt come across as obnoxious to me, but might do to a more closed minded reader.