This poem almost reads as if it's meant to be sung. As far as the content of the poem, I very much get Dollhouse song vibes. It is very focused on appearences and faking it until you make it, and yet, there's this deep feeling of resignation in the poem. The speaker does not describe themself as person but rather as a toy that is simply a plaything to bring joy and entertainment to those around them. The final line hits, but I don't think it hits as strongly as you want it to.

i think the beginning of this is really strong, and youve got a good metaphor going here. but i think by the end you have too many things you are wanting to repeat and it gets kind of "clunky".

Nice idea, a great start but a missed opportunity.

You're startinf off here with a good metaphor of puppets and their strings and how control resets not with the puppet but a puppet master.

The thing you lack here is the connection between the puppet master and darkness. It's true that giving somone else control is disastrous but you fail to set the right context.

You can use this puppet as a strong analogy for a number of things like toxic relationships, bad governments or even the social media or our need to be liked by others.


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Dance puppet dance

Sing puppet sing

Pull on your strings

So real

And so fake

A toy meant to be put away

A facade meant to smile

But always remember the darkness is a moment away

So put on your show and bask in the light

The darkness is a moment away

Would you like me to pull your strings?

I will as long as youre fun

So dance puppet dance

Sing puppet sing

Ill let you pretend to pull on your strings 

But always remember the darkness is a moment away



https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/uc0vzy/lost_connection/?utm_medium=android_app&amp;utm_source=share

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/ubakjg/alone/?utm_medium=android_app&amp;utm_source=share

Puppets Lament