Bêtise and logic.
In the human computer.
Side by side, like twins.
https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/uc4fc5/how_does_it_feel/i68k81u/?context=3
https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/ubtv1n/lunch/i68jace/?context=3
Posted Apr 26, 2022, 7:11 AM UTC
This was really cool and the topic is smart and interesting!
Great job
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I see no use in integrating a french word in it. If you used more french words or words from more languages, it would make more sense - the first option would create a stylization, the second option would imply that it's showing how a human mind is a computer (with access to all dictionaries). I'd say "foolness" would be a better pick, but it's just my opinion.
Apart from that, interesting concept. I like how simple yet catching it is.
"absurdness" would be a good option but this was originally meant to be a haiku of sorts so I did not want to break the syllable count
I think the French word is fine but can make the poem less accessible. If you're wanting to stick with the haiku form, maybe a modification of the second line makes this more workable: "The heart and logic//of the human computer//side by side, like twins"? But I suspect that your point might be specifically about stupidity/absurdity rather than just emotionality in general, so if you don't think the heart is a good symbol for these concepts, that's not a great fit.
I find this concept particularly fascinating, so I would love to see an expanded piece dealing with this same topic. Is there a particular reason that you feel drawn to a haiku form for this piece? If not, it might be worth asking yourself why you chose it.
Great piece, OP!
I know. Just my three cents
I like it. I like the French word. I had to look up how to say it (bā-tēz′). It's a new word for me. Thanks.
I have a suggestion, you could also use the word 'Folly' if you think Folly and Logic work.
I love it
Very nice little piece you've got here.
The best thing I got was the word "bêtise". I'll remember it.
The interpretation of human psyche is also on point :)
I feel like you did a really good job of matching the pattern of a haiku.
Not just the syllable count, but by capturing a feeling with three simple phrases. It doesn't feel rushed or incomplete. Instead, the lines really feel like three sides of a whole.
I know some of the others didn't like the french, and you probably added it for the syllable count, but I think it also acts as a bit of a hook. It stands out and acts as a fun contrast to logic.
Nice work. There’s not much I can really say other than it’s a fun image of human behaviour.
It is meant to be a haiku but it is meant to illustrate that we tend to view humans as either stupid or logical but in reality, they are both the same and their faces are often blurry that you sometimes cannot tell them apart from one another
Yeah I knew it was a haiku, but sorry I didn’t say much else. It’s a clever comment on opposite aspects of human behaviour, such as with the “human computer” description. It gives good imagery of a working and efficient machine, that it’s normal and part of the programme for humans to be both stupid and logical.