I fucking hate my self so much

I’ve been dealing with addiction pretty much my entire life. Started using when I was 13 and I’m 38 now. I’ve been to prison 4 times, rehab I don’t even know how many and have had numerous overdoses the last of which was a very close call and was also the event that triggered my last prison sentence. I just got out about two months ago with yet another second chance yet here my dumb ass is fucked up, broke and absolutely miserable yet again. It doesn’t feel good, I’m not having fun and I’m completely isolated, alone and cut off from the people I want to be around. I just can’t understand why I keep doing this to myself. I just had a friend die from this disease 2 days ago and I know it’ll eventually get me too and I don’t want to put my family through that. I don’t know what to do right now. I don’t want to use again but I know tomorrow it’ll be all I can think about and I’ll probably cave. If anyone in the rooms sees this in the 512 I really need a temporary sponsor and info on where meetings are here.