Thank you for your kind comments! The mage leaves with some magic for my soul because he doesn't want to grant me the invisibility cloak. And in the end, by "sequins" I mean the sparkle/magic which my soul had is now melted and no more. So, in a way the mage was protecting me from invisibility, but alas the magic melted, and finally, I got what I wished though of course ironically. 

And, yes I was debating whether to put the word Invisible on a separate line.  Thanks, now I know.

This read to me like a relationship gone bad where at first it started out as magical and devolved into a resentful silence with one party being on their phone ignoring the speaker.  

>fairies foraged for

>met a mage,

Good use of alliteration here.

>He asked me to be careful what I wished for

>and left with some magic for my soul.

You may want to clarify and I left because as it reads here it sounds like you are saying he left with the magic.

>detergent drowsing

more alliteration.  Nice.

>phone's doped

>blue light,

I love the use of the term doped as it implies that the use of the phone sort of desensitized this other person to being someone kind and willing to interact with the speaker.


>the sequins

>of my magic lie melted in a pool

I'm not sure I get the imagery of sequins?  Why sequins?  Like a costume that is falling apart?

>I do not need a cloak anymore,

>here I am, Invisible.

These last two lines were hard hitting.  I might have chosen to put the word Invisible 

>...but some lines became too dear... to throw away  

There's a reason the old advice 'kill your darlings' has persisted for so long. I struggle with it too, as I suspect most poets do. If I'm really attached to something but think it's not working, I try to soothe myself by saying that I'm not killing it, I'm just saving it for another piece. Sometimes it even ends up being true.

Hi Red! Thank you so much for the in-depth excellent feedback.  I am sincerely grateful for the time and effort you took for this.   
  
Yes, I can see how this poem is overworked. I was vaguely aware that some parts of the first stanza need to go, but some lines become too dear (just for the sake that it has a personal reference, for eg. the mage with elvish green eyes) to throw away and requires someone else to point it out: hey, that's not working!   
  
I'll revise this. Thank you so much for your kind feedback.

Hello, entangledrhyme; finally have a chance to sit down and get to this.  

In this poem, you've presented two stanzas -- in the first, the narrator seeks magic in a passage that is very fantastical, almost to the point of distraction; in the second, we have a much more mundane scene, all of which builds to a climax that boils down to "I don't need a cloak to turn invisible, when I already am."  

I find this structurally and conceptually to be a fascinating idea, and I appreciate the 'clash' between the two tones presented in this poem. Ultimately, however, I find that the ending actually winds up being a little too clever, to the point where the whole poem draws an unnecessary amount of attention to itself--it appears to say "here is the metaphor, and here is the punchline," if that makes sense.  

As it is, the second stanza is much stronger than the first, to the point where I feel like the first stanza is getting in the way of the second. I'll talk about each in separate sections


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