I like your poem quite a bit. I can relate to the feeling of sinking just as you described. I was intrigued by the line, “Or maybe just thaw.” It fit so well that I thought you’d rhymed it off a word. Very nice!

To me " I wonder whether it will ever come back" is still uncertain but I understand what you're saying now. Makes sense.

Thanks so much! I did think about replacing “would” with “will”, but it felt like the word “will” creates a feeling of sureness, where the heart will come back, when in reality it might just never?

I really like this, love the rhyme scheme and I personally relate. Very emotionally provocative even though it ends apathetically because the reader has no heart. 

I think "would" in the last stanza should be "will" to match the rest of the piece. But I could be missing something. Great overall!!

I like the feeling of release in this poem. And while it doesn't rhyme, there are a couple nice ones like "floor" and "core"  and "whether" with "ever." Nice job keep going!

I really agree with what you said about the heart serving as an anchor. Thanks so much!

I like the line in particular “or maybe just thaw”. It sort of to me highlights that perhaps the incredible gravitational force which is expressed in great imagery in your poem might serve the purpose of breaking down walls that were built to keep it in place. It’s true that sometimes we feel light as a result, but I think that the heart serves as an anchor for the mind.

You did a great job with describing the emotion. Honestly I think it's up to you if you want to add more of a personal tounch. I find poems make a bolder statement when there's at least a hint of how to interpret feelings, but if you want to leave it so that it can be interpreted however the reader wants then it is fine how it is. Still a very nice poem to read :)

Thanks so much for the detailed feedback! I think in this poem I focused a lot more on an emotion felt, whether it’s necessarily good or bad is anyone’s guess. I’ll definitely try and see what I can do to give it a more personal touch though :)

I really enjoyed reading this poem. The shorter lines kept a steady pace, and the focus of how far the heart will sink evoked a strong sense of how strong the feelings were for you.
I think the only thing I would have wanted from the poem was for maybe the narrator to either more clearly state how the heart sinking relating to them. I'm not sure if it's better or worse for them that their chest isn't heavy nor if they're heart will thaw or burn. If the narrator also doesn't know, that's ok, but maybe something that hints to that confusion or indifference? I'm not the best at deciphering poems though, so take that with a grain of salt. Still a very enjoyable read nonetheless.

The structure of this is beautiful. The short cadence is so subtle, but it makes it feel a bit like a dance.

The addition of "or maybe just thaw" really paints a vivid picture. A heart so cold it's changed form and is no longer manageable by the speaker. It needs to be burned to be accesible..maybe.

I think it didn't have to be rhymed to see the beauty this poem holds. I like how OP described being dead inside without directly telling us that this is what they mean to say. The poem is short but very nice.

I feel this poem in my core. Your almost rhythmic way of visualizing the sinking feeling I get when I fall deeper into a depression is somehow, calming. Wonderful work!

This is one of the best use of hyperbole I've ever seen. You've nailed it bud!

I enjoyed this poem quite a bit, particularly because it does so well at portraying the "bed becoming a grave" so to speak, with the additional punch of the final line that adds complete numbness to the already depressing tone of the beginning. I also think the brevity adds a good bit to the poem. Good work!

this poem made me think of my own experiences with the feeling of sinking. at times it can become addicting - a pure nothingness rather than a heavy soul. this poem really spoke to me. the lines " where it will burn or maybe just thaw" were so beautiful to me. it feels like longing.


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My heart sinks

Into the mattress

Past the bedframe

Beyond the second floor

To the first

Until it hits the earth’s crust—

Then the mantle

Then the core

Where it will burn

Or maybe just thaw

&amp;#x200B;

I wonder whether

It would ever come back

As I walk around

With an empty chest

&amp;#x200B;

At least I don’t feel heavy anymore.

&amp;#x200B;

[1](https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/ubtv1n/comment/i68yblp/?utm_source=share&amp;utm_medium=web2x&amp;context=3) | [2](https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/ubwvtv/comment/i690d3q/?utm_source=share&amp;utm_medium=web2x&amp;context=3)

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