just need to scream a bit

I've been feeling so cloudy lately. I'm tired of pushing myself and keeping it together. I'm not ready to face 'today' . I can't see ahead. I have to go to work and do the bare minimum of chores to survive the life of an independent adult but I just want at least a day where I freely break apart and immerse in the shitfest in my head. A day where I don't have to be progressive and wallow in my depression in bed. I'm tired of playing ok. I know I can bounce back and restart this sucky cycle. I always feel like I'm in an endless muddy swamp, pushing myself to tredge the thick mud. And sometimes the swamp will be foggy, then the fog will dissipate eventually and I'll still be walking on mud. It's been real foggy of late. I need to catch my breath.