I'm okay but at the same time, worse than I've ever been. (self harm/eating disorder mention)

The only thing I've eaten in the past 3 (not including today) days were 4 pieces of toast....all of them last night. I don't want to worry my boyfriend because I LOVE HIM SO MUCH and he's keeping me stable.

I'm happier. I don't have a breakdown when I have to shower or look at myself in the mirror. I'm drinking more water. I'm feeling....okay. I'm doing a lot better in school, but at the same time I'm wanting to throw up and kill myself everyday. It's just too loud and the kids are shitty.

I feel like my irl friends are bored of me because I don't make jokes about our friends neighbour being a pedophile and a rapist and I don't like sex jokes at all. In fact, my one friend just moans really loudly even though I've specifically asked him not to (on several occasions). But at the same time, I'm happier online. My art is better, I've learnt to draw eyes. I have lots of friends on discord and a boyfriend who loves me.

I relapsed into self harm, but I've figured out that chewing ice cubes sort of makes the urges go away.

It's okay. I'm doing fine. I'm depressed but I haven't been feeling as bad lately. I have no idea what's going on...my eating, boredom, self harm and irl "friends" are worse than they've ever been. But my body image, water intake, online friends and schoolwork have been better. I've only attempted suicide once this year :)

PS: I think I should get checked for an eating disorder.