How do I share my story with loved ones

[TW: sexual abuse, mention of suicide, child abuse]

This is a story I have never shared in full and I feel exhausted being alone with it. I have lost so many friendships. Especially recently and I don't know how to tell these people what I have been going through.

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My entire childhood I grew up with a father who sexually abused me. No one ever knew. I was not allowed to say and he told me he was the only one that loved me. He was arrested for domestic abuse when I was 12 for attacking my mom. He continued to show up drunk at my mom's house. My mom never knew he was hurting me the way he was. My mom and I were never close, she was very hard on me. She was really distant. After the divorce, she stopped coming home. I was just alone ages 12 - 18 until I left. My siblings are much older and didn't come around because of my dad's drinking. They both stopped living in the house when I was 11. Both my siblings beat me. My dad only physically/sexually abused me and not my siblings. I don't have a relationship with my siblings at this point. When I turned 18, I had to couch surf in a different city to just escape the situation because he kept coming back. I moved across the country when I was 20 to feel safer and that's when the long-term effects really started to show up in my life. I struggled with sleeping, relationships, and holding a job. You guys know what it's like living with C-PTSD. In and out of treatment.

Now I am in my late 20s. This last year has been extra hard because my mom found an old diary that talks about the things my dad did to me as a child. She never knew and this has been really hard on her. She is not good at handling her emotions. She told me she thinks about suicide every day. She has a hard time looking at me. I wish she never had to know. She called my dad after she found out and he called me after years of not speaking to me. She told me she was sorry she didn't protect me. I feel like I dreamed of this as a kid... Anyone in my life just apologizing, someone wanting to protect me. It's been too much to process. I have a doctor. I am working through it but I am distant from my friends. I am kind of a mess and I'm losing friends because I won't tell them what's going on.

I recently lost a lot of good friends. A whole group of friends because I got weird and distant and moody. I lashed out about my birthday feeling impersonal when it was really just my family who made me feel that way. I lashed out about really pointless stuff. Then I started making a plan. I stopped talking to people, stopped sharing my location, stopped coming around, deleted my social media. I was over dealing with ruining my own life because my dad ruined mine. I am back on meds and got treatment. I wish I didn't ruin so much when I was dealing with all this. I want to explain to them my situation but I don't want them to think I'm just making excuses. I don't want them to think it's okay I hurt them just because I'm going through something. Many of them will not speak to me and I don't want to load this on them after not speaking for a couple of months. I will say I did nothing cruel. Just was sad and distant. Lashed out a couple of times about people hurting my feelings with their actions. Their hurt is valid but I have not been able to tell them what really happened.

How do you tell someone about this sort of trauma? It is so heavy. It is triggering and difficult to hear. I'm scared that telling them my story will make them feel like they can't share things with me and I'm scared they will just pity me. There is also no good location to have this conversation and I don't want to send them a long text. I don't want them to be in public, I don't want someone to feel trapped.

I am feeling really lost.