Relapsed :( went crazy with a shaving razor

I had a crazy breakdown in the middle of the night fueled by alcohol. I really shouldn’t drink vodka… or at all probably. Cut my thigh up bad with a shaving razor and i think I also have pretty bad razor burn because the whole area burns like a motherfucker. Got it covered up with bandaids that I can’t take off because idiot me put the sticky part on some of the wounds. Ended up in my car wailing on a crisis line for an hour (I did not drive I just wanted to leave my partner’s house). Went back inside. Partner found me balled up on the couch and carried me to bed. Talked, felt better, then later in the day we basically broke up because I told him I don’t want to live with him anymore. I’m not surprised though because I absolutely ruin every relationship I have no matter how good they are to me. I am destined to be alone.