Is it possible to come back from this breach of trust? Or am I just a love drunk idiot?

Hi Reddit.

Coming here because I’m looking for some advice on how to deal with a situation. I don’t totally know how to feel right now, or what to think cause I’m in the thick of the situation, so I’d love some feedback on the matter. Additionally this might be a little long, so sorry in advance!

Some background info: My girlfriend(F26) who I’ll call M and I(M31) have been dating for 4 months. She’s super cool and I love spending time with her. We’ve talked long term stuff, and are on the same page about just about everything, except religion. She is Muslim, and I was raised Catholic, but don’t practice or attend church these days. Her family is very devout, and they don’t exactly approve of her dating a non-Muslim. We would not be allowed to get married if I wasn’t to claim I was Muslim, for the sake of the marriage/formalities down the road. I do have some apprehension to do this, and some difficulty understanding what she actually wants from me here, because she follows her faith with a much more modernized ideology (aka, we hang out alone and have a sexual relationship, neither being okay in her religion). I feel I’d be willing to say whatever is necessary to keep her family at bay and off her back, cause we align on so many critical points and values outside of this. All this to say there is absolutely an unresolved core importance piece between us; she must decide if she’s okay with me being less strict and structured with my spirituality.

The actual situation at hand: This past Saturday we had plans to hang out, but she was first going out to a friend’s party. She expected to leave early, because her friends are new parents and likely wouldn’t be out late. I waited most the night, with the time getting pushed back a few times, for her to get out. I wasn’t upset at this, I totally get how it is when social stuff goes much later than anticipated. She texts me here and there and did communicate well. She let me know she was drinking and a bit tipsy, and I just made sure she was aware I was willing and even happy to pick her up if she wasn’t able to drive.

She eventually calls me and says she’s on the way. She gets to my house, and we sit together and are chatting for a few. We have an open phone policy and neither of us have any need or reason to snoop through each other’s phone. I went to show her something on her phone, and when I picked it up, she got super defensive and took it from me, making some weird comment about why she would open it instead.

When she opened it, it was in a text thread with some unsaved number, with lots of hearts and such. She quickly scrolled up to avoid the hearts and then backed out of the thread. I made a comment asking if everything was okay, and she said it was nothing, just her friend who hosted the party saying they missed each other.

We moved on and began watching a show. Within minutes she was asleep on my shoulder. My anxiety was getting the best of me. I’m normally not a jealous or insecure person. I take pride in being the opposite, but I was pretty stressing in the moment. So obviously, I looked into what the text I saw was. Sure enough, it was a guy who she met at the party. There was lots of flirting back and forth and intentions to meet up for a drink soon. She mentioned in the text “wishing she was dolled up more had she known he would be there.”

I felt, and feel like shit. It absolutely sucked to read. I trusted this girl and fell pretty hard. I just wanted to kick her out right then and there. I didn’t know what to do. I woke her up and calmly asked her about it. I made it clear I didn’t want to talk about it at all tonight if she wasn’t going to be 100% honest. I give her credit, she gathered her thoughts, but she owned up to it. Had she given me half truths or been defensive, I would have ended things immediately.

She told me she met him at the party, and the couple who was hosting had sort of set her up with him. She didn’t mention at any point having a boyfriend, and the guy ended up walking her to her car, which is when she gave him her number and instagram. They texted back and forth while she drove to see me.

She voluntarily offered up other not so encouraging information to me, that sucks to hear, but the fact that she told me willingly made me truly feel like she was being real and honest. She told me some former person she had dated reached out asking her to come drink/party with him and his friends that same night. She didn’t deny it, and told him she’d keep him posted. That was the end of the discussion.

Lastly, she has a very close relationship with her Uncle, who I’ll call U. I met U one time, and he seems like a nice guy. She works at the same company as him. He has a friend at work named A that taught a class earlier this week, which included U and M.

M had never met A at work prior to this class. Later in the week U tells M that A had been willing to convert to Islam for a previous girlfriend, and A was asking about her. U tells her that A was going to contact her on their work messaging app to which she just replied “Oh I didn’t expect that.”

So now that she’s told me all this, I feel very appreciative that she’s being honest, but also flooded with anger, insecurity, distrust, etc.. Kinda shitty way to deal with it, but I feel pretty worthless and disrespected and now second guessing myself a ton.

We’ve spoken about it at length since that night. She says she began spiraling a little bit when learning that A would convert for her. And that the religious piece is adding to her apprehension, and why she thinks she’s had a “keeping options open” mentality. But she tells me she’s very sorry, and recognizes it’s wrong, and she wants to work to fix thing, whatever it takes.

I believe that she does. And I’ve decided to try and work through it too, but I’m definitely pretty fucked up about it - not necessarily due to one single thing, but maybe the accumulation, kind of painting a bigger problem.

She reached out to the first two guys to say explicitly that she has a boyfriend. She has quite a lot, probably upwards of 50 people she follows on IG that are from online dating connections and sometimes get DMs thru this, and has offered to unfollow them. I do think that would help me feel better at the moment, but I 100% refuse to be in a relationship where we can’t trust each other and don’t allow each other to hang out with friends, regardless of gender.

Finally, A reached out today. She told him she had a boyfriend. He said he didn’t know, and understood, and then asked if she wanted to go rock climbing. M has been very open about everything, and I can’t express how much that’s been helping me not only trust and see that she is sorry, but it’s helped me feel less shitty about myself. M asked me what I think about the rock climbing invitation. And to be honest, I don’t feel super comfortable about it. In different circumstances, I would be absolutely fine with it. She has a male friend that she already has some outstanding rock climbing plans. She has hung out with multiple other male friends, getting food, etc. When I expressed that I didn’t feel very comfortable with it right now, she got defensive and started to be upset.

I think I don’t feel comfortable with it right now, because I’m pretty hurt, and insecure feeling. And the way in which they connected, with a romantic interest seems like not the best place to foster a relationship, especially in the current circumstances. Furthermore, U is taking A, on a family trip (just guys) to Egypt upcoming. Something about his connection and seemingly curated “intro” as well as the continued work relationship makes me feel uncomfortable.

Yeah, that’s where I’m at. Sorry for the rambling. I just don’t know if I’m being jealous/insecure more than acceptable here? Or if I’m just an idiot, and love drunk, and not thinking clearly.

I’m too in the middle of this situation to confidently make a good choice. So I’m desperately hoping for some insight or advice from everyone here. Sincerely, thanks for reading.

TL;DR: Caught new GF talking to and flirting with a guy, which she then confessed multiple other semi concerning situations. Her confession and openness makes me feel like I should give her a second chance, and try to work through things, but it looks like an uphill battle, and I’m not sure if I’m just love drunk or it’s worth the efforts.