Maybe he’s checked out the relationship

So I (29F) married my husband (30M) about a year ago. I am currently pregnant. To give more background before my husband and I married I had lost my child a few weeks after it was born so I have anxiety and depression.

Being that this is my now 3rd pregnancy because I did have a miscarriage with my husband, I am overwhelmed with too much emotions. So let’s get to the story.

My husband and I got married fairly quickly and dated even shorter. I’ve known him for 17 yrs before we even dated or had sex. We had chemistry but he was a man whore. So fast forward 10yrs and we reconnected. I told him I’m having a bad mental time and I feel I am responsible for my child’s passing. He reassured me it’s not my fault and he will continue to be that beacon of hope and security when I feel down about it. I absolutely fell head over heels from that one comment. So he told me that I was gonna be his and he’d treat me like the queen I was. So move forward about 3 months and he asks me to be his gf. I said yes and about a week later we were engaged. Fast I know but when you know you know. So about a week later we found out I was pregnant and having a miscarriage all at the same time.

He had his own demons to fight in regards to this and I became withdrawn. My child that passed birthday was a week later so not only am I going thru a miscarriage but also celebrating the 1 yr birthday of my child. Depressing I know.

His ex came back into the picture around this time. He told me all about his past with her and I was ok cuz he did have a life before me. I think I forgot to mention that we were only engaged a month before we had a small wedding. Anyway. She has a kid that’s not his biologically but he still cares for her as though she was. Still I’m ok with this. I’ll easily play step mom if this is what he wants. He doesn’t. Still cool. I tell him whenever he’s there with them just let me know so I won’t be worried about him.

So now we are starting to have problems because she has been calling and texting nonstop about him coming over there to spend the night with her not the kid. So I told him I don’t feel comfortable with that and he’s like I’ll handle it. Ok fine. Of course it’s not handled and again a few months later we are back at it. Now he’s going over there and lying to me about it. One of our golden rules is no lying. Every time I ask him where he was he’d say with his friends but of course I have doubts. I wanna go through his phone cuz my anxiety is getting worse about it and I feel insecure about doing it.

If I ask he will tell me he stopped by but didn’t stay long or he’d say yea I went by to see the kid and ended up falling asleep. He promises me he’s not doing anything sexual with her and our sex life is ok but I feel so unsure about it. I’ve been cheated on before and I love my husband and our marriage. I’m currently pregnant again but this is stressing me out.

Now that you have an idea, I’m thinking about leaving him and jus taking our kid and disappearing with no contact.